A Tale of Three Beans

Don't Forget My Move...

2011-07-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Given that the last post was rather hard to read, I'm back reminding everyone that our Bean Tale is ongoing, but has moved to WordPress. Join us at www.taleof3beans.wordpress.com.

Happy Blogging!

MommaBean Finds a New Home for Our Tales

2011-04-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

Well, with one thing and another (including a week of not being able to access my blog on blogger, I'm giving up and making the switch. I am now, officially, a WordPress blogger. It'll take some getting used to, and particularly since someone already captured my blog name and my blogging name. You can find me here (taleof3beans.wordpress.com). I'm hoping that anyone will ever actually be able to see this post, since I haven't had any luck whatsoever. Hope to see you on the flipside!

Happy Trails!

Superbugs should scare us... If we're joining the fight, lets start with pediatricians!

2011-04-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

I read with interest and excitement this article today in the Jordan Times. It seems that Jordan has become concerned about drug resistant organisms. May I simply say, FINALLY! For those who aren't familiar, extensive (over)use of antibiotics is creating drug resistant strains of bacteria, viruses, and other nastinesses. The US has become increasingly concerned as they see higher incidence rates of people unable to be treated with standard antibiotics.

I've been concerned about this for years. In the US, I stopped using anti-bacterial soaps years ago. After moving to Jordan, I had to resume. The only non-anti-bacterial soaps on the market are direct imports from the US and cost 4 to 5 times as much as the normal soaps here... Sigh. In addition, I'm one of those crazy Moms who avoids antibiotics like the plague. I have had more than one Doctor here prescribe antibiotics for viruses (which they don't treat). Needless to say, those prescriptions don't get filled. I also wait what would seem like a long time before taking the kids in or asking for a prescription. If a fever isn't super high (101 degrees or higher) and doesn't last for a good bit of time (at or above 101 for a couple of days), I don't medicate. I'll use Advil or Tylenol to bring it down some once it pushes past 101, but before that, I won't even medicate that much.

So, I'm thrilled to see Jordan becoming concerned. However, to actually combat this issue, they will need a widespread education campaign. it needs to include Doctors and patients. I think many Doctors here prescribe antibiotics so that the parents feel like they're doing something. Instead, moms should be pushing back and asking why their children need them... That's what I do. I also go to a Ped now who knows my philosophy and will give me a "wait and see" prescription. These are becoming more popular in the US as well. The Doc tells you what medicine to give your kid if a) the fever increases or b) it doesn't go away. This is just about my favorite. So, kudos to Jordan for becoming concerned. And, to those of you out there who are unfamiliar with the issue, GET familiar. We're seeing increases in the cases of multidrug resistant tuberculosis. Scary indeed.

Happy Superbugs!

Jordan Isn't Ready for Democracy... I'm Just Saying...

2011-04-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, a couple of months ago I put out there the idea that Jordan simply isn't ready for democracy yet. It is an idea that ruffles some feathers... lots of feathers. I stand by the idea, though. In fact, the unfortunate end to the March 24 demonstrations rather added more evidence to my assertion. Thinking about it, I decided it would be good to explain just why I say that Jordan is not ready for democracy yet. Perhaps it will provide perspective and understanding as to what I mean. Perhaps it will help some, particularly the young folks, take steps to BECOME ready. Because, after all, a unique and functional Middle Eastern-style democracy would be a thing of beauty to behold. So, I will try to express some of the key ideals that are missing that are going to be necessary to find a path to democracy Jordan-style.

Protection of Minorities:

I say this one again. Anyone who has read my past post on this topic knows that I rate this extremely highly. In order for a strong democracy to avoid turning into a autocracy or dictatorship of the strongest faction, protection of the minority needs to become part of the collective psyche. As an example, Iran may have elected Ahmadinejad. However, he quickly moved to establish what is, in effect, a religious dictatorship. There is no protection of the minorities in Iran. Jordan is a nation of minority groups, or at least without majority groups. The Jordanian tribes are a minority, the religious conservatives are a minority group, the unobservant Muslims are a minority group, the Christians are a minority group. In fact, I'm not honestly sure there IS a majority group. Given this, each group needs to begin to understand that minorities are the lifeblood of the nation. This very diversity is what makes Jordan an engaging, welcoming, wonderful place. Rather than playing up divisions and how great our group is, we must pull together and understand that we are ALL Jordan.

Freedom of Opinion and Speech:

In case you're hiding under a bushel and haven't seen Nas' post over at the Black Iris, I recommend you go check it out. He tells about his experience at the Interior Ministry circle reporting on the March 24 protests and talks about his impressions of each of the groups and players in the unfortunate events. One of the things that troubled Nas is the fact that the anti-reform (his term) group refused to allow the pro-reform group to speak their opinion. That simply has to stop. In order to democracy and freedom to flourish, people must be able to have an opinion that differs from the herd. In fact, isn't that the very definition of freedom. We can no longer believe that our opinion is the only valid one. In the best democracies (and since George W was in office I can no longer classify the American democracy as one), the conversation is more important than the outcome. You should be standing up and giving everything that you are to ensure that the person who represents everything that you hate is able to speak freely. That is what it's all about. Finding ways to accept the conversation. if someone criticizes your religion, the answer is not calling for their death. The answer is listening to what they have to say, evaluating whether there is a kernel of truth, and determining whether you need to take action. It is isn't easy. In fact, it's darn hard. But it's how a society grows in freedom.

Supporting the Winners in an Honest Election... Even When They Aren't Your Choice:

I saw this article in the Jordan Times Friday and found it indicative of one of Jordan's major issues with democracy and participative elections. Apparently after an election at one of the local universities for student union elections (really?! seriously?!), supporters of unsuccessful candidates began to throw rocks and turned violent. Not content to have only students involved, family members and outsiders came to lend support to the violence. This is after a nine year suspension of elections due to campus violence. Apparently the suspensions did not lead to learning. But, here is the crux. If you have a democracy, you support the winners. You may not love them... you may not even like them. But, of they won in fair elections, you accept their right to serve. You don't become violent because your candidate didn't win. If Jordanian youth can not be responsible and respectful in CAMPUS elections, why would we expect that they can in national elections?! And, is this attitude limited to youth? In the last elections we saw candidates that use violence to try and ensure that their candidate won. This behavior is irresponsible and must stop.

Divisionism:

Jordan is plagued by divisionism. The Jordanian Jordanians view the Palestinian Jordanians as interlopers, the Palestinian Jordanians view the Jordanian Jordanians as entrenched cronyisticprofiteers. Everyone has some way to show how very different they are from everyone else. You know what, I am an American Christian Jordanian. And you know what I have in common with everyone else in this fair land? I am just as Jordanian as the next person... Really. Hard as it may be to believe. I didn't grow up here, I don't have family ties to the region. What I DO have is a heart for Jordan. I have a love for its people and its places. I'm not unusual. I'm Jordanian. Jordan is at its best, it IS its best because it is made of of many, many people from many places. It has Circassians, Armenians, Jordanians, Palestinians, bedu, city-folk, Christians, and Muslims. This very diversity, this very difference is one of the keys to Jordan being Jordan. As much as some reactionaries may long for the distant past when Jordan was a land of one people, I suspect that land never actually existed. I know in Biblical times Jordan was a trade route. Does anyone actually think that no one ever ventured on the trade route, found Jordan to be a wonderful country and stayed? Clearly, Jordan has never been a single group of people. And, that is part of its wonderful strength. For a democracy to work, Jordan needs to accept (please excuse the use of the horrid campaign slogan) that every Jordanian is a Jordanian. All these other divisions are nothing more than white noise. They are meaningless chatter. And the state needs to recognize this in its relationship with its citizens. It should not relate to its citizens as Christian/Muslim and male/female and Jordanian descent/Palestinian descent. It should simply relate to its people as Jordanian. And, except for that small handful of folks living in a camp who may, in fact, long to return to Palestine... it should accept that Jordanians of Palestinian descent are here to stay. They're not going anywhere. They are, at the end of it all, just Jordanian like everyone else.

The Silent Majority

I actually think that the silent majority isn't simply silent. It's actually rather an apathetic majority. And that doesn't work in a democracy. People have to be willing to have an opinion. And once they have that opinion, they must be willing to put it out there. They shouldn't be voting based on tribal affiliation, but rather best person for the job. And they can't simply sit by and let others make decisions for them. Until Jordan has people excited about elections with real candidates and actual parties that have some sort of platform, democracy will be stillborn.

Unlike others, let me say that I don't find this situation at all grim. I find it very encouraging. After all, if we can identify concrete things that need work, we can put in place a plan to work on them. And, more importantly, if we can build a constructive conversation, we can begin to understand what democracy a la Jordan looks like. Because the one thing I am certain of, Jordan's democracy can not, must not be a carbon copy of America's democracy. if it is, then we can anticipate it will fit as well as it does in our nearest neighbor to the East (which is not at all). So, who else is ready to step up and start making a difference in thought, word, and deed? They say jaayeen, I say t3alameen (we are learning? does that even work? no idea but it's a good slogan, no?)!

Happy learning!

The Road Not Taken... Ever Think About Other Lives You Might Have Had?

2011-03-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

I've found myself in a very interesting position lately. CousinBean is getting to that age where one must start thinking about college. He's set on the US, and really seems to want California. In looking at various options, one of the schools that I sent off to for information popped up on the list. I had flirted with the idea of kicking the dust of Alabama of of my heels and hitting sunny California. That was in the days when I still believed the hype about California being warm... nowadays I know better. I'm cold every single time I'm in the state. Don't know what it is about me, but the state of fruits and nuts leaves me cold... literally.

Anyhoo... looking at the information on this particular college got me thinking about how my life would have been different had I ended up there. The school is, in many ways, similar to the small, private liberal-arts college I attended. So, imagining myself there isn't so hard. But it gets you thinking. Clearly, I never would have met El 3atal. I suspect had I gone out to Cali for college, I might not have made it back. After all, cold or not, California is much more diverse than good old Alabama. And, since never quite fit in there (what Southern girl who would move to Jordan would?!), I sense I wouldn't have rushed back.

Would life have been all arts festivals, unique opportunities, days on the beach? I doubt it. But, certainly it would have borne little resemblance to days spent in the Alabama sun, which were, after all, much like all those that had gone before them. It's interesting to wonder how your life would have shaped up differently if you'd only made this decision instead of that one. I think that's why the movie Sliding Doors (Gwyneth Paltrow, excellent performance) appeals to me. It chronicles a couple of days in the life of a woman. We see her in the guise of having made each of two critical decisions and what comes out of that. Her life is simply not the same.

Any one else have thoughts of what if?

Happy possibilities!

A Missed Anniversary... She Loved Them So Much She Gave Her Own Life

2011-03-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

So, a few days ago I missed an anniversary that I typically recognize each year. With all of the field trips and other things going on, I totally spaced out on the anniversary marking the day that Rachel Corrie died in Gaza.

March 16, 2003 Rachel was intentionally run over by a bulldozer driven by an Israeli soldier intent on demolishing homes. Although the dozer operator and the IDF claimed that he was unaware that she was there, every eyewitness agrees that it would have been impossible to miss the young woman, clad in a fluorescent orange vest.

Rachel is an inspiration to me. She held her love for people and her conviction that Israel was doing evil so tightly that she put herself in harm's way. Sadly, harm did come to her. In these days when the Middle East has gone crazy and Japan suffers a crippling triple blow, Israel is able to take advantage of the distraction of the world to take any heinous action they want. After all, how bad would it have to be to make the front page?

And so, I mourn for Rachel. I mourn with her family who has spent 8 years without their daughter, their sister, their heart. And I keep the faith that eventually the world will see that any country that is systematically racist, that degrades more than half of its population, and that is so hurtful to people that they create the first woman suicide bombers - that the world ill see that this country does not deserve our support. It does not deserve my American tax dollars. It will NOT hasten the second coming and using Christ as a reason for this unconscionable support is something that will come back to haunt them.

So, pray with me, for Rachel's family. Pray with me for a softening of the hard-hearts in Israel. Pray with me for peace and for each of acting from our best, rather than worst, instincts.

Happy Reminders!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

2011-03-14T03:24:00.000-07:00

The composer-songwriter, Hugh Martin known for the age old classic, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" died last Friday. In addition to the fact that he penned one of those classic tunes that are known world-wide, Hugh Martin is from Birmingham, Alabama. I think we need to celebrate the greats from Alabama whenever possible. So... in honor and tribute, here's a great singer singing his great song.

Happy Alabamians!

Blog About Jordan Day 2011: How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways

2011-03-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, Jordan. It's that time of year again, spring breezes blow, the region goes haywire, and Blog About Jordan Day come around. In honor of the day (and in the spirit of tradition), I'm going to blog about why I love Jordan.

Lack of commonly available articles in the US challenge your creativity and inspire a world of substitution ideas when trying to replicate recipes.
Groups of like-minded ladies are available at a moment's notice to visit and enjoy a morning's breakfast.
Visitors come bringing food, even when YOU invited THEM to visit and have something nice.
There's always one more little shop or restaurant with excellent owners who will give you great service and a friendly reception (shout out to Ray and Khalil at the Waffle House).
Spring that comes, not tiptoeing in gradually, but roaring in with dust storms, wind, and rain.
People who are happy to see rain... days in a row... no complaining or whining.
Close families and love of kids.
ButterBean's new-found confidence to make a presentation in 3ulum (science) class on Senor El Maa' (that's Mr. in Spanish and water in Arabic).
The fact that ButterBean sees nothing odd in naming someone with the Salutation in one language and the name in another.
JuniorBean's ready reception and instant understanding of the presentation on water in Arabic and his ability to answer all of ButterBean's questions.

All in all, today I'm loving Jordan. My challenge is that everyone either blog or status about Jordan today!

Happy Jordanian!

And Once In a While Jordanian Service Goes Above and Beyond: Rare Kudos From MommaBean

2011-03-11T21:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the whole bean family headed out to lunch to celebrate ButterBean's birthday. We let the Beans pick where they want to go and these days the preferred favorite is Chili's. We went to Chili's for a regular Bean lunch (read that as 2 hours before any self-respecting Jordanian would consider eating lunch). When we arrived (and in fact for 3/4 of the meal) we were the only ones in the restaurant.

The service was, in general, quite good. Our waiter is one of those who know us from the good old days of Bennigan's. It was a sad day for service in Jordan when they closed their doors. But, on the plus side, the folks they trained have moved on to other restaurants. At any rate, as a result of his fine training, this waiter always provides excellent service. After our meal, we ordered a molten chocolate cake thing to celebrate the birthday.

For those who may not be aware, the servers at such places do a rousing (if terribly off-key and often in questionable shape) rendition of Happy Birthday to you. It is embarrassing to most adults, but kids really seem to love the over-the-top experience. So, it took longer than usual for them to come and sing to us. I joked with El 3atal and MimiBean that they were going out back to see if there were any deliveries coming in so they could task the driver with singing. Finally, after maybe 10 minutes, they all gathered around for the Happy Birthday extravaganza. The choir was made up of the servers, the Kitchen Crew, and the chef. I kid you not... they didn't let a little short staffing impact their ability to deliver the over-the-top experience that ButterBean wanted. She shyly smiled with a light in her eyes that could have powered Amman for a year. She loved it.

So, kudos to Chili's, Mohammed (our wonderful waiter), and the entire (and I do mean entire) Friday crew. You made a little girl very, very happy! Oh, and you showed other restaurants just what responsive service is. You go guys!

Happy Birthdays!

Ugly Disrespect: Why American Christians Should NOT Support Israel Blindly...

2011-03-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

So, we went to take some out of town friends down to the Baptism site on Saturday and to our surprise found that the Israeli site opposite is open. What surprised us, though, isn't that the site was finally open. It was the apparent purpose of their new facility. I couldn't help snap a picture of the people we found using the site. As you will notice, these are not religious pilgrims at the Jordan River for a spiritual experience. These are Israeli sun-seekers out for an afternoon swim. All of the visitors spoke in Hebrew and the kids had a riotously loud and raucous time. Oh, and I don't mind that as a tribute to the good weather, but rather as a tribute to the bad taste of the Israelis.

During the time we were there, a Bishop from England was trying to do a study and worship experience for his tour group. So, over the sounds of frolicking children, he explained the religious significance of the site and then began a service. On the plus side, the singing of his group of tourists drowned out the sounds of the children splashing about. But I ask you, why would any Christian provide blind devoted following of a group of people who so disrespects them?

Most people who visit the Baptismal site do so as part of a trip to see where Jesus was baptized. They continue on along and see the current path of the Jordan River. The whole site is a spiritual experience of some meaning. Having loud, obnoxious day trippers 5 feet away rather degrades the experience. It's one more small and calculated way that the Israelis disrespect everyone else. After all, they could have put this totally non-religious site anywhere along the Jordan River. If they wanted a swimming hole, better they had put it at a wider spot with more water available for the kids, right? There's lots of river out there, so why the rudeness?

From a seemingly small annoyance to a major showcase of their intractability and hatred for Christians... have you heard about the "illegal" Bishop of Jerusalem? The Jordan Times has a brief mention here and a more full article is available here. Basically, the current Anglican Bishop of Jerusalem, Suheil Dawani had his residence permit for Jerusalem revoked. The Cathedral is in East Jerusalem which the Israelis claim, but the world does not recognize as theirs. So, the Bishop is left without legal right to reside and preside over the Diocese that he has been elected to run.

And American Christians support these thugs? Seriously? Wake up, ladies and gentlemen. See what this government is and what it does. The Palestinians are placed in untenable positions and then we, as a people, don't understand why their frustration runs high enough to turn to armed resistance. My fondest hope is that one day Americans will look for themselves. Spend 10 minutes and you can find information on the terrorism practiced by the Israeli state. They will account, in the after-life for their actions, but remember as Christians, so will we. It is a timely lesson for each of us to remember.

Happy degradation!

Talk About Curing the Symptoms and Not the Disease... The Plight of Domestic Workers in Jordan

2011-02-24T02:14:00.001-08:00

The Jordan Times had an interesting article yesterday here that talks about the Domestic Helpers Recruitment Agencies Association's (DHRAA) dissatisfaction with the current situation in Jordan. Since the Philippines and Indonesia have banned their nationals from coming, the recruiters for these countries are facing serious problems. For some, the families have already paid and are expecting a helper. These two countries seem to have the lion's share of domestic workers in Jordan.

Unfortunately, the response from the DHRAA has been exactly what I would not want. They are trying to get the Ministry to actively open other countries to provide workers. So, it seems that if you get banned for mistreatment and non-payment the best response is to find more desperate poverty-ridden countries to send laborers. I shudder to think that, instead of proactive work to resolve abuses the Association would simply try to find people more willing to live with it. Oh, for an association that encourages self-improvement.

My personal view on this is that Jordan needs to more closely monitor the situation of these guest workers. Home visits, contracts signed and administered by the Ministry of Labor, and awareness campaigns would go a long way to making Jordan a more attractive destination for guest workers. Basically, set some standards, remove workers who are being abused, and ban abusive employers from receiving workers for a period of time. Each of these steps would help change for the better. Sweeping the issues under the rug won't help anyone at all. Sigh. It is amazing to have in-home help so affordable and helpful. Many moms depend on this to be able to go out to work and increase the family income. So, after all, let's do it the right way.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

I Hate to Say I Told You So, But... Scanner Pictures Show Up on Internet

2011-02-15T23:45:00.000-08:00

So, I hate say it... Really, I hate it when I'm right. Today I came across this article buried on msn.com. Some of you may recall back in November I penned an article about America's McTravel options... In the article I warned that our options were full-bodies on the internet or strip searches. I suspect some of you out there thought I was being alarmist. Unfortunately it appears that not only was I not being alarmist but is wasn't even against the law for TSA agents to put our images on the internet!

Seriously, you wait until a sheriff's office that has similar scanners in place has issues with images on the internet? Really? THEN you put the law in place. I really hate it when I'm right.

Happy Personal Privacy (Oh, Wait, No....)!

The 2011 Tomato Wars, Where Will They End?

2011-02-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

So last week I was reading an article in the Jordan Times here on farmer protests regarding "plummeting" tomato prices. I get that the farmers are in a very tight place, financially. But what I would like to know is why weren't they protesting the outrageously high prices they were getting paid back last year. You remember in September when heat waves and pests killed off the crops? Back when instead of JD .50/kilo we were paying JD 3.00. Okay, it may not have been quite that large a difference, but I'm certain it wasn't much better. And the quality of the tomatoes was awful. Instead of protesting that prices were too high or reducing their prices, farmers then were happy all the way to the bank, no?

What really smarts, though, is that the farmers have only one person to thank for rock-bottom prices... themselves. The article mentions that farmers "encouraged by the higher prices" planted extra stock. Then with the warm winter, they grew lots and lots and lots of tomatoes. Well, duh. Overabundant supply leads to decreased prices. So, let me ask you, why are they protesting? Unless they are protesting against themselves. I hope that the Jordanian Farmer's Union will take the following lessons from this experience...

Train your members that when times are good, they need to save for a rainy day. Teach them also that overplanting will lead to lower profits not higher. Because in the end, farming (like consulting) is a feast or famine world. If you don't save for a rainy day, don't come crying when the floods start...

Happy ketchup-fodder!

Lonely Hearts Club of Amman, Finding Friends as a Fabulous Foreigner...

2011-02-15T12:15:00.000-08:00

Finding friends in Jordan as a foreigner can be really hard. It is really hard, in fact. I find it takes about a year to find a circle of friends and get comfortable in Jordan. To that end, here are some MommaBean (often tongue in cheek) recommendations of ways to jump start your Jordanian friendships.

Wander aimlessly around the "foreigner" stores around the 7th circle (you know, Cozmo, Safeway) introducing yourself to anyone who walks by speaking English, because there's nothing anyone wants more than to be interrupted while shopping to meet people.
Frequent educational places for your kids like the Children's Museum looking for other like-minded folks.
Go to church. Most of them have an English language service and, surprising really, most attendees are not Jordanian.
Join an e-group. There are lots out there. The one I'm on has nice people (but don't join it, we have enough people already, teehee).
Take language lessons. Language schools are filled with people who don't speak Arabic. They are mostly foreigners ;).
Go to the park. During the day. In the summer. Everyone knows that Jordanians wait until the sun goes down to go to the park with their kids. Just after the Beans' bedtime the parks get hopping.
Find one person that you like who is foreign and latch onto them. Soon they'll find friends for you just to get you out of their hair.
Make weekly visit to the fancy salons for nails and/or hair to rig "chance" encounters with other foreigners.
Look for blond kids roaming the malls and seek out their parents. They're often foreign.
Blog. If you're lucky you'll come to Kinzi's eye and she'll include you in a blogger event (like a cookie decorating party). Trust me, bloggers are the best people in Jordan bar none.

In all seriousness, it can be really tough to find your way in Amman. I'm kind of thinking that we need an Amman welcome wagon. You know, a group that comes to visit new folks moving into Amman. They would bring information on the city, commonly needed numbers, maps, whatever. And, they would provide a friendly face in a place that, while welcoming on the surface, is hard to penetrate beneath the shell.

Happy Fitting!

A Country of Contradictions... How Do We Reconcile Them?

2011-02-13T07:55:00.000-08:00

Living in Jordan has been a very interesting experience. I expect living in any country where you did not grow up inculturated is a similarly eye-opening experience. However, Jordan is such a set of contradictions. I find myself wondering, am I the only one who fails to see how anyone can reconcile them. With the drama unfolding in the region, much has been said about Jordan. In the US, as is often the case in this fabulously Muslim-fearing world, the news has focused on alarming demonstrations (far smaller and more peaceful than those back in 2009 over Gaza mind you). I posted previously the wish that Westerners would just call to a halt the scare-tactic laden discussions of my chosen home. However, no one seems to be talking about the challenges facing Jordan's King.

Jordan is a country with deep divisions. The gulf between East Amman and West Amman is wide. East Amman is the more historic part of Amman. The buildings are often older and the people tend to be more conservative. West Amman is marked by newer buildings, most of it having been constructed in the last 20-30 years. Walking down the streets of the bustling West Amman shopping districts, it is not unusual to find young ladies in outfits that would raise an eyebrow in New York. And the ladies are not foreigners. In a country where some women wear the niqab (the covering that hides everything but the eyes) and others wear shorts, sleeveless tops, and sandals it is hard to see how everyone can come together.

Reading articles like this one, which talks about how many different groups want reform doesn't help. Let's have economic reform, some are calling. Let's have political reform others shout. And yet, notice we don't see calls for social reform. Somehow people seems to think that by clamoring for the freedom to think, say, and write what they like other freedoms won't naturally follow. In a country where eating on the streets is illegal during Ramadan (regardless of your religion or interest in observing), let's have political reform and the freedom to write what we like. Somehow I think that the same people who are clamoring for change really want only the changes they want. They want financial transparency and at the same time a return to less privatization. One step forward, one step back. At the same time, there are many who want real economic reform and further liberalization of the market. How does one reconcile these opposing positions?

The splintering demonstrators of the last month failed to even agree to continue on. The Muslim Brotherhood/IAF and the other opposition groups found their aims and goals too far apart to maintain unity for more than a few weeks. How, then, is the King supposed to take concrete action upon which that all groups can agree? I certainly don't envy His Majesty this fine line he must tread. People want speedy reform, except that they actually need slow progress. Society will need time to change itself and keep up with the changes in both the political and economic fronts. For free and open elections, you would need a public that sees voting as a civic duty. That is not currently the case. It is also not a fast change to come. When I voted (in the last 2 elections here in Jordan), friends from Jordan were astounded. What?! I, who was not born and raised here, would actually go and vote? But why? You see, that attitude must change before Jordan is ready for free elections that actually represent the people, not a single politically active segment of the people.

I am part of an absolutely wonderful e-group of ladies here in Amman. We are mostly American (with other nationalities mixed in for flavor). And mostly hijabi (not me, of course, but...). Most of the ladies are very observant Muslims. They paint for me a realistic picture of the beauty of Islam. It is a very different picture than I see when I see terrorism in the name of Islam. I am blessed to have this counterpoint. And yet, these ladies have many of the same challenges inside their local families that I am talking about. The gulf between them and their families is not less (and actually in many ways perhaps greater) than that between them and me. So how then do we reconcile this disjointedness? How can the King architect a future that all Jordanians can get behind? I don't have any answers (a position I hate to be in, mind you), but I think the questions are worth asking. The one thing I do know is that King Abdullah II is an exceptional bright spot in Jordan's global image. His wife, regardless of what others may think, is opening America's hearts and minds to Muslims and to Jordan. As the face of Jordan, this couple is an inspiration.

The problem Jordan faces are not simple. In order to solve them, it needs real dialog among people who recognize that they are part of the solution. The King can not architect this on his own. It simply isn't possible. And, in order to solve these real and difficult issues we must each set aside ourselves and think about what is best for Jordan. Not our tribe, not our family, not our religion. We need to think about what is best for all Jordanians if we are to find a way through these terribly difficult global times. I wish His Majesty the very best of luck and my prayers are most certainly with him. I know that with wisdom and honest openness, Jordan's path can be a shining example to the entire region.

Happy Resolutions!

And on a happier note...

2011-02-03T16:10:00.000-08:00

The birthday season is settling over the Bean household with our first parties this week. This year, we will be having a super fun party for the TwinBeans that is Toy Story and Mulan. Somehow I have a feeling this will be more like the parallel play that the kids engaged in when small than the interactive play they engage in now. We'll likely end up with two parties running side by side. However, they insisted they wanted to celebrate on the same day ;).

This year we don't expect any people who are confused about why the party invitation for the birthday boy or girl they got was different from the new mom they've just met (has happened more than once in the past). We're chilling out and doing a smaller at-home party this year with good friends from school and outside. We'll see what the kids think of it as it's been a few years since we took this approach. As for me, I'm excited (and exhausted) just thinking of it. I'll be posting the cake pictures once they're made...

Happy Birthdays!

Forgive me, but could the rest of the world just SHUT UP already?!

2011-02-02T06:10:00.001-08:00

Okay, so MommaBean's a tad hot under the collar just now. I've spent days hearing from presumably well-meaning family members (and that's not even talking about all of the pundits) about the situation in the Middle East. MimiBean's been advised by numerous friends and relatives to hurry home. After all, Jordan is just about to fall. And, if she doesn't agree she must be naive. After all, certainly Glenn Beck and his ilk of ill-informed fear-mongers certainly understand the situation in Jordan better than people, say, actually in Jordan, right?

One of these wonderful well-wishers informed her she'd be better off "reading the situation" at a demonstration than going to a girls' night party we attended on a recent evening. Because Jordan now has night-time demonstrations? Because we're in the middle of Tahrir Square here and I'm unaware? I mean really! What a boneheaded thing to suggest. Of course, I make it a practice of avoiding (by as many miles as I can) any and all protests here. After all, blond hair makes an easy target and mob mentalities around the world rarely bring out the best in people.

And, as if it's not bad enough that the family is alarmist and poorly informed, there are people out there like this woman at some website called Politico who cuts and pastes valid information (the King of Jordan did kick out his government) and misinterprets it (he did not dissolve Parliament). I mean really, can't you take the time to understand a system of government before adding your (clearly truly valueless) opinion? Please? Because conservative bloggers all over have started following her lead.

I just love being told that people who have never even visited Jordan understand the situation more clearly than I do. You know, I live here... by choice. And while we may, very well, suffer from the frog in the cold pot syndrome, I really don't think so. In pretty much all cases, there was some inkling on the street before the situation flipped. Even in Egypt, this has been a steady build-up. We have seen this clearly watching the American Embassy in Egypt's response. They started by sending home families and non-essential personnel. The next day they sent additional people to "reduce the diplomatic footprint". The following day, they "evacuated non-emergency personnel." It was a day-by-day change.

So, are we foolish for thinking that Jordan is different? Well, the Embassy here, which sends messages to alert Americans to celebrations for the annual high-school grade issuance (I'm not kidding here) has been conspicuously silent. So it seems to me that cautious observance of the situation is a better and more measured response than rushing out to spend thousands on a flight to the US. After all, the King has been taking many steps to help ensure that the situation here remains calm.

And, contrary to the relative who tells us that these regional issues are "part of the Muslim Brotherhood's agenda" which he "knows all about" (and is apparently centered around establishing Sharia law), I see a different viewpoint. Tunisia and Egypt are people's cries against abuses that have simply gone on too long. They are also an indictment of the global financial situation which was authored not in Egypt or Tunisia, but in the "democratic" US. And as for people in the US "knowing the Brotherhood's agenda", I'd love to know how they do it. I live here and I have no idea what their agenda might be. But I do know that since most of the governments in the region have legal codes that take their foundation from Sharia law that it is silly to spout that as the reason. They may be French or British or whatever trappings, but underneath the cultural values that make the legal system run are Islamic. So, the MB may want many things, but somehow I expect these gentlemen are smart enough to be looking for something farther out of reach than this. For a better understanding of the MB here in Jordan and its internal challenges, check out this very interesting post by the Black Iris, who is Muslim and much more in the know about the MB than I.

So, I guess my bottom line is this request... those of you who have no idea what you're talking about... button your flapping lips. No one in Egypt really cares how the US, Israel, or even Europe feel about their demonstrations. They aren't demonstrating for the world. And, to those family members who know more than I do...

All I can say is welcome. Come to Jordan. See my home. And once you've been here and seen it we'll see if your all-encompassing knowledge is still all-encompassing. Once you have first-hand knowledge of this amazingly rich part of the world. Once you've seen the treasures that abound here, both physical and human, maybe you'll understand that the political blowhards who get paid to scare you know nothing - and I do mean nothing - about Jordan. I once went to a lecture where the fellow talking said that he spent the four years of his Harvard education going from cock-sure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty and considered it the best money he'd ever spent. I wish political pundits, on both sides of the aisle, would make the same trip... it'd make the world a better place.

Happy Know-It-Alls!

How much information should we share with the kids?

2011-02-01T10:03:00.000-08:00

El 3atal and I have been having conversations, in the light of the people's demonstrations in Egypt about how much we should share on the topic with the kids. He is of the mind that we maybe should let them watch some on TV and talk about it. I'm not really sure. Although this is a historic time, will it worry them that this is going on where Baba was last week? Is it too old for them? I'm generally in favor of mind-broadening conversations, but... Any thoughts, dear three readers?

Happy conundrums!

On the Wrong Side of Freedom... (is overthrowing dictators really a great thing?)

2011-01-29T05:48:00.001-08:00

People around the world are cheering on the Egyptians as they throw off the shackles of an allegedly corrupt government. And, at first glance, 30 years is a long time for someone who is supposedly elected democratically to continue in office. After all, I like honesty. Let's call it what it is and it isn't democratic elections. So, in that sense, I hope and pray that Egypt find its way to an appropriately elected government that will resemble the type of democracy that will work best. But, having said that we, as Americans, are a bit arrogant (no really, we are, didn't you know that?). One of the places that we can see that arrogance shining through brightly is the idea that we continue to espouse as part of our global propaganda that every country should be "free" like us. That they should all have democracy (by which we mean our type of democracy). Now forgive me, but I'm not cheering too loudly.

So, let me tell you why. Our American focus on a US-style democracy fails to take into account that we've had more than 200 years developing it. We spent hard won days and nights, the blood of brothers and cousins and endless energy discovering what an American-style democracy is. Is there any reason we think we could simply take it wholesale and implement it in other places? Even if it were possible to, is there any reason this would work in a place that shares nothing culturally in common with the US? I can't imagine a single reason we should think this will work. Why wouldn't it take other countries fighting their own battles to understand themselves as people to get to a democracy that works for them? Even the US, which broke away from Britain, did not set up an identical democracy.

And yet, we believe that we can influence nations in the Middle East into democracy ala America. This, I assure you, will not work. There are many reasons that this idea is a fallacy. One of the first, the most important in my mind, is that there is no core belief in the protection of the minority. Majority rule means, in this part of the world, the majority does what it wants. One of the most important tenets of America's democracy is the protection of the minority. Without it, the entire system would fail. As Americans, we are raised believing that the majority must take care of the minority. We take protect and serve as a sacred goal.

How interesting, then, that some of my American friends here see no irony in the fact that they rail against the pork butcher and the stores that sell liquor because they are against Islam. These ladies choose not to support stores that sell liquor, to which I say kudos! Vote with your feet. But some call for the banning of all such places. Whenever I'm faced with this attitude, I try gentle reminders that there are also others here who are not Muslim. Why should they lose the right to eat bacon on a Sunday morning? Why should they be banned from purchasing alcohol? These people who were raised in a country that protects the minority lose sight of the minority here in Jordan.

So, I ask you, given that one of the sole movements in the region that has managed to pool political will is the Islamist movement, why would we expect that democracy would lead to anything other than an Islamic dictatorship? We saw this in the Taliban, didn't we? They were democratically elected and then went about making everything else illegal. In Gaza, we see this as well. We don't see places where people who were raised without this protection-of-the-minority mindset find democracy a liberating experience for all. And that's what worries me. As a minority (well many minorities actually), what's to say that overthrowing the current less-than-stellar guy is going to make a positive impact on the lives of the minorities? Often those autocratic governments are the very ones that are protecting the minorities in their realm. Really, can anyone really tell me the Christians in Iraq are better off now? How about the Sunnis?

Until a Middle Eastern country finds a way to successfully build a model for democracy that works within its cultural context, all we are doing is hastening the road to internal strife and civil wars. I sincerely hope that Egypt finds its way out of this current situation with a more positive leader. I hope that Tunisia does not find itself in another de facto dictatorship. But, I also hope that, in each case, they find a method that works without shoving out, killing, and persecuting the "others", the "different", in short the minorities...

Happy Freedom?

The Moments that Crystallize Life...

2011-01-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

So, today is the anniversary of the 25th year since the Shuttle Challenger exploded just after take-off. As the articles all say, it's one of those things that causes a Do You Remember moment. Only this one, for people in my age range, takes less than a second. This isn't like the Gulf War ( I was sitting in a Sbarro's pizza in Birmingham watching the surreal nighttime bombings). This was very different and very personal.

Although I hardly feel 25 years old these days, I was sitting in class in Junior High School watching the launch on TV. In fact, the whole school was watching the launch. Dare I say, the whole country was watching it? We watched in horror as the shuttle exploded. There was an unexpected silence as everyone tried to process what had happened. Honestly it didn't make sense. We all waited for the new that it was a hoax, a mistake, we wanted a miracle. That miracle never came.

I'm not sure how anyone else felt about it. You can ever only know your own mind, thoughts, and feelings, can't you? But after weeks, maybe months, of lead-up to the launch, I felt like I knew Christa McAuliffe. She was not just a teacher, she was MY teacher. At least, she surely could have been. She had young children left motherless. She had such a smile... the type that brightened a room. So, I felt like I knew her.

In fact, the tragedy touched my family more closely even than that. At the time, my dad worked for a supplier to the shuttle program. He worked for one that worked with the O-Rings. Needless to say, the next months were tiring and stressful as they conducted tests to see what had happened. In the end, the fault lay elsewhere, but it was a close-run thing. And, again, it made the tragedy more real.

And, do you know, although prior to Challenger I had been to see a shuttle launch, when I think of space shuttles, I still think of the Challenger disaster. In my mind's eye, that arc is never really gone. So, on this 25th anniversary, I salute all of the astronauts who have died trying to expand our human knowledge and understanding of our universe.

It's an interesting juxtaposition that even as man tries to explore and go further, gaining ever more knowledge, others here in my region of the world are experiencing Internet black-outs and cell phone stoppages. The one is ever pushing for greater knowledge the second is pulling it back. And yet, perhaps the greatest lesson for us from Challenger is that no matter the obstacles, the human will finds a way...

Thoughtful anniversaries...

A Little Slice of Merry Old England in Jordan...

2011-01-24T14:00:00.001-08:00

So tonight the Beans and I went to a lovely high school production of Robin Hood. A very fine friend invited us along thinking that we would enjoy it. I enjoyed twice as much when I discovered (on arrival) that it was a musical. Each of the Beans had a favorite character, which I find adorable. Maid Marian was a favorite of both girls. JuniorBean enjoyed the Sheriff of Nottingham's wife (a very talented young man who performed his role in true Shakespearean tradition). JujuBean's second favorite was Friar Tuck, who was admirably rendered in all his (substantial) glory.

For me, my favorite was actually the Sheriff. The young man who played him was quite talented. As an exceptionally acted counterpoint to the Sheriff's sniveling ways, Lady Merle was in her element. This couple of characters were forceful stage presences. And, the best musical performer by far was, appropriately enough, the minstrel.

So to the young men and women who took part in the play tonight, kudos! You did an exceptional job and should be very proud of yourselves. I assure you, it was an evening's entertainment that was a bargain at twice the price!

Happy Anglophiles!

Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde... Mixed marriages, why do they do it?

2011-01-23T08:15:00.001-08:00

So, I've noticed that there are a number of young Arab men who go over to America or Canada and find nice girls to marry. Clearly, having married an Arab man myself, I have no issue with this part of the scenario. But, here's what I really don't understand. Many men who head over to the West have very precise pictures of how men and women should interact. And yet, when they get to the West, they go out and find nice, normal Western girls. And while most Western women are not the promiscuous playthings that is popular conception here, they also aren't super-conservative in male-female dynamics.

Since living in Jordan, I keep coming across couples where the fellow went to study, found a wife and then brought her back. And, very often, these couples end up in marital discord and strife. Sometimes the wife finds herself pressured by husband or mother-in-law to don more conservative clothing (you know, "Put on the abaya, it's more comfortable."). Sometimes it's a desire to know where she'll be at every second of the day. Who is she seeing? What is she doing? Where is she going? Sometimes it's about observing religious practices that aren't her own (or appearing to anyway).

And what I don't get is, why? Time and again I hear, well I'm non-practicing and he's non-practicing so I thought... It's a tad naive of the ladies, for sure. But why does the man think this is a good idea, that's what I don't get. Why go to the US, not observe prayers, not fast during Ramadan, drink and eat pork then marry a girl there and expect her to fit into your cultural paradigm when you move here? I don't have any issue with wanting your wife to fit into your cultural paradigm generally, but if it's so radically different than the life you live in the West, you should have had that conversation long before moving to Jordan, no?

Now, El 3atal is not your typical Jordanian man. His mom worked outside the house from the time he was very young. His parents visited different locales around the world nearly every year. As a result, his outlook on life is fairly atypical. When he lives in the US and when he lives in Jordan, he lives in exactly the same way. There's no difference between US El 3atal and Jordan El 3atal (he wears shorts in both places, I assure you). And there's no real difference between America MommaBean and Jordan MommaBean. I wear the same clothes and approach life in the same way. Picking out a foreign wife for El 3atal makes sense given that his outlook on life has always been a bit odd for Jordan.

So, why would you knowingly pick a woman who will be terribly unhappy if you successfully mold her into the woman you think she should be in Jordan? I have a number of friends who, like me, chose wonderful Jordanian men. They span the religious divide. And yet, to a person none of them has indicated that they were pressured by their husbands to act and live differently. I suspect that's why their marriages are successful. So, does anyone have any insight?

To me, it's a bit like getting a nice scoop of ice cream and creating a lovely mansaf topping. Each is delightful separately, but putting one on the other will ruin both. Either appreciate the ice cream for what it is or go get yourself some mansaf.

Happy mixed marriages!

Life is Good!

2011-01-19T07:16:00.000-08:00

Got tagged. That mean Kinzi person tagged me. And I'm sure I ducked. Sigh. Okay, she's a sweet Kinzi person, but I still don't feel super and wanted to be playing some Farm Frenzy to take my mind off of my aches by now. And now I'm forced to blog. So, with no further ado (or whining and moaning), here it is!

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren’t anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

I'm perfectly happy as an anonymous blogger. I chose cyber-schizophrenia intentionally. Part of the reason is that being blond and obviously Jordanian in American already makes me stand out. But, even in the US I would have blogged anonymously. With three small children, I want to keep their names and identities quiet so that no bad people come out of the woodwork with enough information to find us... So, yep.

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side

I'm not stubborn. Never. Ever. Or stubbornly contrary. Honest. Ask El 3atal, he'll tell you. Although, those Beans, man THEY are stubborn. Can't figure out where they got it... must be El 3atal. Oh, wait, you want proof. There is a particular street neat Junior Bean's school that is a one way street. It is clearly marked (very). It is only wide enough for one car to traverse its narrow length. It has no driveways. And yet, people will come down it the wrong way. I make them back up (sometimes the entire length of the street if there aren't any empty parking spaces) since I'm driving legally. I figure the more painful it is for them, the more likely they'll think twice next time ;). Oh, and so you know just how stubbornly committed I am, I have (one more than one occasion) taken the keys out of the ignition and held them up to demonstrate to the rudesby driving the delivery truck that I wasn't going anywhere and he WOULD be backing up ;).

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

I don't spend that much time looking in mirrors. But I can tell you, whatever is in that mirror isn't really me. I'm younger, thinner, and cuter than that matronly gal in the mirror ;).

4. What is your favourite summer cold drink?

Sweet tea. But then, you can't get that in Jordan ;).

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

Read, read, read. Oh, and sleep after I read a bit.

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?

Of course, life's not over until it's over. Until then, you gotta be looking out for new things to try, right? I want to learn to speak Arabic better, watch my kids and help shape and mold them as they grow and develop. Hmm... so many things.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?

Hmmm. None of those. I always had a group of friends who usually were like me. Not very rich, pretty smart but no over achievers, absolutely adorable and rather precocious. In high school I went to a smart kids' school. That was nice, I wasn't nerdy there... Teehee.

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see

Again, one moment?! Life is made up of these moments. The day the TwinBeans graduated from nursery school. The day ButterBean graduated from KG2, the day I realized that ButterBean was never ging back and I'd be a mom forever. So, many moments.

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?

Well, I actually find that in writing about others, I'm usually writing about myself. I'm comfortable writing about myself but upon occasion self-censor so as not to hurt people I love with my random thoughts.

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

Read a book. Or talk to Kinzi. But not so much on the phone. But really, read a book (you know I read like 3 or 4 a week, right?.

That was actually kind of fun. My turn to tag. Only all of my old blogger buddies aren't blogging anymore. no more El 3atal, no more Um Farouq, boo hoo. How about I'm tagging Sojourney, Almond Joycie, and Emigrant2Immigrant. Love to know more about you ;).

Happy Tagging!

A Birthday Poem for Almond Joycie

2011-01-19T03:42:00.000-08:00

Although it isn't my forte... today is the birthday of Jordan's preeminent limerick mavericks (okay she's the only one I know of, but still...). In honor of such a wonderful and blessed day, Joyce here's to you!

Jumping and running after her kids with

Octopus arms to control...

Yearning to hug them and protect them from harm

Capturing them with her love

Exceptional woman, mother, and friend. We're blessed to have her in our lives.

Happy 30th birthday AlmondJoycie!

But, Do You Know What You WANT?!

2011-01-12T12:47:00.001-08:00

By virtue of being a friendly mom and one who has friends in widely disparate groups, I get asked advice alot. I mean, quite alot. I get asked what the best birthday party places are, what schools are good, where to shop for various products, where to find the pork butcher, just the general information that makes life a tad easier. Each of these questions actually has the same answer (well except for the pork butcher)... Yep, such disparate questions all have the same answer. And it's often one that the asker hasn't considered. The answer to all three questions is, it depends on what you want. You know, when choosing a school you need to understand your goals and priorities for your kids' education. This question is, in fact, the one that I get most often from people who have no idea what their goals and priorities are.

So why is understanding what I want so important? Well, because Jordanian (and anywhere else) education is not one size fits all. Different schools have different strengths. Your child may fit better at one school than another. In fact, I was talking about this today with a mom who has her younger kids at a traditional Islamic school. Her older ones go to one of the well-known international schools. She mentioned that she has friends who would never consider the international school because it isn't Islamic. You know, I've got to respect that. At least her friend has considered what is most important to them. As has my friend. She has chosen a broader educational experience to challenge her kids. But so many people, say hey what's a good school around this neighborhood.

So, I always answer, it depends. Do you want a native level English program? Do you want a primarily Arabic education? (And no, these two are not mutually exclusive) What is your philosophy on learning? Are you willing to get a tutor? How much do you want to spend? All of these questions come together to form a different picture of the school that you need. But most parents get focused on one thing. Maybe it's Islamic schools, but are they willing to go that route at the expense of the education? Or do they want to seek one that is farther afield but offers better programs?

It's the same for birthday party places. The best option depends on your child and what you want to get out of the experience. Do you want a slides and ball pit kind of experience, very active and exhilarating? Do you want something somewhat educational where the kids do a craft? Is dress-up your kids favorite activity in the world? Does the space need to have both indoor and outdoor activities? How many children are you planning to invite? The responses to these pictures forms an answer to the question. We've done the Beans' birthdays at an awesome place that has a mix of outdoor and indoor space, plenty of room (we typically have invited all of the 3 classes), craft activities that serve as a major portion of the giveaway, and excellent staff who make the entire party experience better. But, it wouldn't be the right choice for someone who wants lots of slides and heavy energetic activity.

But how often do we, as parents, make decisions based on gut feel or the recommendation of friends without considering how well did my friends' needs match my needs? And then, how often do we end up regretting the decision? Each of us, as parents and people, should develop a habit of thinking through our needs and priorities before we make decisions like these. We need to know what we want so we can decide what works best for us and our family. I know this is something I continue to work on. El 3atal and I are currently rethinking our priorities for the kids' education. Not, mind you, the school. We're very happy with our selection, but rather the emphasis we place and what's of most value and importance to us. After all, 30 years from now, will I care if ButterBean's ability to express herself or tell a story in classical Arabic is limited? Or will it matter more to me that she is able to speak Arabic fluently? Where are my priorities because that has to inform where we spend our time and focus, now doesn't it?

Happy Decision-making!

We Either Live Together or We Die Together: Human Shields in Egypt

2011-01-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

A good friend posted an article on her Facebook that caught my attention today. I seem to be saying that a great deal lately, don't I? This article, in particular, was interesting. It was written to talk about one of the many responses to the church bombing in Alexandria on New Year's Day. You'd have to have been hiding under a rock (or maybe in America) not to have heard about the bombings. But, I expect most people may not hear about the various responses.

Personally, I've been heartened by the responses we've seen from the Muslim world. The leaders here have been unanimous in denouncing the bombings and those who carried them out. Our own, King Abdullah, was one of the earliest to speak out against it. For those who may not be aware (most of the world), yesterday was the Eastern church's Christmas. The Eastern churches (including the Orthodox and Copts) celebrate both Christmas and Easter on a different schedule than the Western church. The response of the Muslim community in Egypt to the Alexandria bombings gives me some measure of hope.

As you can read for yourself, the Muslim community came out and made a wall of human shields to help protect those going into churches for their Christmas day services. The man who championed the idea, Mohamed El-Sawy, is quoted as saying, "We either live together, or we die together." And in the spirit of that, famous actors and every day people from all walks of life took the streets by the thousands to show solidarity with their Christian countrymen. El 3atal's perennial favorite, Adel Imam, was there as were two of the President of Egypt's sons.

I wonder how it must have felt to the Copts and Orthodox heading out to church, uneasy and uncertain. They went forth to celebrate one of their most holy days knowing that they could have been risking their lives just by going to pray. How must it have felt to find your church surrounded by Muslims there to help protect you? I will admit that the mere idea brings tears to my eyes. In this region, we hear talk, talk, talk about extremism. We see a squeezing out of the Christian population through hardships, both large and small. And, as a Christian in the Middle East, I can assure you I often feel marginalized and somehow second class. Seeing these people willing to stand for their fellow countrymen, their fellow humans, is moving. I would like to see more of this. Across religions and across cultures we need to realize that "we either live together, or we die together." There really aren't any other options, now are there?

Happy Human Shields!

Joy in the Face of a Wetting...

2011-01-07T23:32:00.000-08:00

Being from Alabama, I'm used to rain. Lots and lots of rain. Weeks of unending rain. And the desire to sit warmly in my little house watching it outside is not new to me. Nor is the complaining at the unending sameness of the rain unusual. I recall birthdays hoping it wouldn't rain, prom nights praying for clear skies, and other activities that require sunshine.

Living in Jordan, however, give a different perspective. In a country where windows in new construction can be left open for seven or more months with no fear of water damage, rain takes on a new meaning. Here you don't take rain for granted. Most of the year we get none. I don't mean very little, mind you. I mean no rain. For months. On end. So, when it rains in Jordan, people celebrate. People are more lighthearted (no Seattle-style depression at the lack of sun) and no one grumbles on complains about the rain.

I love that Jordan makes you thankful for the rain...

Happy Rainy Days!

I am better mom than you are, nyah, nyah, nyah...

2011-01-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

So, some friends have got a whole Facebook status thing going on where they will make a handmade/homemade item for the first five commenters. There's just one catch... the commenters have to make this their status too. I personally think that this whole idea is terribly skewed toward those skilled in domestic arts. The friend I saw it first on even specified homemade that YOU made. Now how is that fair? Those of us who are domestically-challenged are at a serious disadvantage.

The topic rather got me thinking about being a Mom. We Moms worry. All the time. Is my kid fitting in at school? Are her friends being nice? Is he happy? Did he eat well? Is she learning? We worry. And we compare. It's human nature. And, frankly, I think there's good comparison and bad comparison. In the business world, good comparison is called benchmarking. It's reviewing a number of organizations and determining what they're doing that you could be doing better. That can be very helpful. As a mom, I learn from friends. I learn from people on the street. Some of the things that I learn are what to do or how to do it. Many of the things I learn are what I don't want to do. But the key is, I'm looking with the view of improving myself.

Unfortunately, lots of people, in their own insecurities about who they are as a mom or the sacrifices they are making (and trust me we ALL make sacrifices, whether we admit it or not), take the negative form of comparing. This would be the, "I'm a better mom because I breastfed my child for 4 years" or "I'm a better mom because my kid is getting all A's" or "I'm a better mom because my kid eats liver" approach. And this comparing is not helpful as a mom. Not at all. Not in any way.

I was in the car earlier and was thinking about how it might be fun to start a group of moms who get together to talk about techniques for raising kids. I'm not picky about who might come, foreigners, locals, whomever would be fine. It would be nice to learn about nutrition options from someone who is aware of the things that are available in Jordan. So often we get information about healthy eating with lovely recipes that call for 20 ingredients not available in Jordan. Nice, but no so helpful. But, the worry I have is finding people who would each be able to contribute something to the group without trying to find an "I'm a better mom" angle.

If you gather 20 ladies in a room, I am certain that each of them is a better mom than me in at least one way. Some of them might be in 20 ways. Mind you, I'm a pretty good mom, in my own humble estimation. My kids are nice, socially aware, polite, healthy. Generally they're great kids. I imagine I can take some small amount of the credit there. But, even so, there's so much I can learn. Each of my friends teaches me something new. From one I learned strategies for treating boredom among kids (offer chores as a boredom combating measure, suddenly books don't seem boring). From one I learned food adoption measures (dip it in chocolate, they still get the nutrients, but may like the taste better).

And, after all this learning, I still don't do typical "mom" things. You know, cooking, cleaning, sewing and such. I hate those things. With a passion. I wish they would all go somewhere and die. Teehee. Some years ago, when ButterBean was maybe a year old, MimiBean said to me one day wonderingly, "You know, I didn't know you could be a good mom and not do "mom things"." Ah, and that's the thing that it's greatest to learn, I think. That, as a mom, I'm not in competition with others. I'm not a better or worse mom because I can't cook gourmet meals. I'm a different mom. My style of mom is the kind who'd rather read a story than play with a Barbie. I'd rather find a fun kids restaurant than cook a fancy meal. That's my kind of momming. And I do the very best I can to become the best possible mom that I can be.

So, I'm passing on the Facebook homemade/handmade challenge, it's just not my thing. But it did get me thinking, for which I am grateful. Being here in Jordan exposes you to all sorts of moms. It's a rich environment for learning from others, things to do and not. I'm grateful for that experience as well. I see so many different styles in so many moms, each of whom I admire. What a great opportunity. I hope that maybe you'll start thinking about what kind of mom you are (or want to be). What's important to you? What's valuable to you? How do you feel about other moms? Do you often find yourself thinking about how much better a mom you are than Mrs. X? Or do you try and learn something beneficial from Mrs. X?

Happy Mommies!

Don't you hate it when... (and an excuse to blog about my 5 Jordan happy things)

2011-01-04T02:13:00.001-08:00

I just finished a long post the other day. It was really interesting, I swear. It was a look into the "other" side of Syria. You know, the side that ISN'T axis-of-evil, crazy Arab weirdness. THAT side. What? Some of you didn't realize there was such a side? Well, thanks to mean blogger (which swore it was saving as I went) that died as I tried to post, you'll have to wait and see when I feel up to tackling the topic again. Maybe, though, I should take it as a sign that the post I wrote just wasn't good enough... Sigh.

So, anyway, I'm going to post an I-love-Jordan-post! Here are today's five best things...

The cute young lady trainers at the gym who call me on my cell phone to express how much they've missed me and ask when they'll see me again when I hit the 2 week mark of not going. How awesome is that?! Who needs a New Year's resolution when they'll poke you with a very gentle stick in the metaphorical eye?
My kids' school which held first semester exams prior to Christmas so now they can do such remarkable things as pick a topic of focus and study it in-depth during January. Junior Bean's English classes have picked The Giving Tree. Each of the teachers will be taking a different focus (you know creative writing, conversation, and so on).
The fact that people who have never even left Jordan know about and have some opinion on most world issues. Now, I didn't say they were KNOWLEDGEABLE opinions, but...
Lovely friends from all walks of life who make living here an enriching, expanding experience.
A full time helper who cooks and cleans. Honestly, this is the biggest blessing in my life these days. HelperBean keeps me sane in so many ways.

So, what can you add to my list? What great things are going on in your life today? Anything you're thankful for? Join the conversation... I dare you!

Happy Days!

Momma Bean's 2011 Resolutions

2010-12-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this year has been up and down. I'm closing out the old year with some commitments to my three dear readers (are all three of you even there anymore?!). So, here goes. I'm a fan of nice small numbers so I'm only going to have 3 resolutions:

Blog one a week (ish): I have to leave a little wiggle room anyway...
Say something that I love about Jordan in every post
Count my blessings with all of my dear readers, not just in my heart!

That's got it. That's Momma Bean's plans for the new year. Here's hoping you all set manageable and realistic resolutions and keep them. And here's hoping I manage to keep mine!

Happy New Year!

I am SO embarrassed for Arab Bank

2010-12-19T01:54:00.000-08:00

So, I just finished going to the bank. You rarely see me post anything about this because I avoid the banks in Jordan like the plague. For those outside Jordan, there are drive-up tellers or other things to make life easier. You actually have to go and sit at the branch to do teller functions. And when I say sit, I mean sit. Typically going to an Arab Bank branch takes between 30 and 45 minutes. I know, right? It takes 30 minutes to go to the bank. Oh, and add to that the fact that their luxuriously long hours occur only when people are working. So, in order to go to the bank, you have to take time off work. Imagine...

At any rate, today I had to go to the bank to get dollars. This isn't something that I can do at an ATM. I can get dinars, but not dollars (as is logical). El 3atal would have done it, but he discovered the need on the weekend... when the bank is closed. So, I get left to do it. So, I headed out just before 11 to take care of the matter. Expecting a short wait (I was hoping for 15 or 20 minutes as has occurred upon occasion), I took a number and sat... and sat... and sat. Today's extravaganza took an hour. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I waited 55 minutes and then took 5 minutes to get the cash I needed.

When I arrived and took a number, I got number 97. Exciting. When I sat down and look around, I realized they were on number 83. Uh-oh. I could see the trouble brewing. Now, ask me why it only took an hour... come on, ask me. It only took an hour because fully 50% of the people with numbers between 83 and 97 gave up and left. Really, half the folks went away. I don't know if they went to another branch, resolved to try again another day, or resorted to more extreme measures to get done what they needed to get done. So, I sat for an hour for them to cover 6 or so numbers.

Now, you may be wondering why they took so long. Is their process broken? Are they inefficient? Were they distracted? Were there too few tellers? Yes. Yes to all of the above. Their processes appear to have come out of the last century. You are required to swear in blood that you are who you say you are (slight exaggeration, but not a huge one). You have to sign the withdrawal slip 3 times. Literally 3 times. And they have to click on the computer for several minutes. But, that's only if you're doing the simple 5 minute withdrawal. Most of the people in the line required far more intervention. One fellow, a Saudi I'm fairly certain based on his dress, took at least 30 minutes. And when she finally finished processing his needs (you could tell by the relief and how anxious she was to push the button calling up the next customer), he asked for something else that took 10 more minutes.

Now, when I arrived in the bank and sat down, there were approximately 15 people sitting and waiting. To help those 15 people, they had 2 tellers. Yes, 2 tellers. There was a third who seemed to help when he wasn't processing large cash deposits from businesses. So, they had too few tellers given the 40 minute Saudi problem. In effect, there were 2 tellers who were trying their best and being stuck in molasses by customers with needs that actually should have a "going to take an hour" counter ;). They also had 3 people that you could see who were not serving customers at all. One eventually started helping the people with the other numbers (no idea what they were as it was in Arabic only and I have no idea what it said). But that wasn't until at least 25 minutes into my wait... She didn't handle a single number before that. I guess the attitude was sucks to be you?

Seriously, today's trip to the bank was beyond belief. As a result, in true MommaBean fashion, I asked to speak with the branch manager. I had to ask her if she was as embarrassed for her bank as I am. When I first asked after her, the girl at the information desk told me her office is on the first floor, you can go see her. I asked her to have the manager come down (duh). She did. Giving credit where it is due, the manager was absolutely as nice as she could be (as was the teller she was very friendly, smiling, and professional). I do think she was embarrassed as well. Maybe not at the wait, but at the fact that a customer would actually complain to her, teehee. She explained that they were a teller down because of an emergency situation and she had asked management for support and additional tellers. I presume they didn't come through. Management, you should definitely be embarrassed. And then she made the offer that those of us in Jordan are often familiar with... if you come again and are in a hurry, you can come to my office and I'll take care of it.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, if how mediocrity is embraced. If you're the minor percentage of customers who actually expects decent and timely service, come to my office on an exception basis and we'll get you taken care of quickly. Now, really, is that any solution to fixing a broken set of processes and hiring more staff? Given Arab Bank's profits every year, I think they can hire another minimum age drone (not that there's a minimum wage, I wouldn't have any idea, but you get the point). So, for me, I'll continue to avoid the bank like the plague that it is. I rarely have the time to go and just sit and waste a day. And I'll dream of the day when mediocre isn't good enough, not because the customer complains but because inside ourselves we believe that we owe it to US to deliver the best. That's my dream for Jordan.

Happy waiting for quality!

Is America REALLY being out-taught? How valid is it to measure school performance based on math?

2010-12-08T07:26:00.001-08:00

A friend posted this article today (today being more than a week ago now... sigh) to their Facebook account and the headline caught my eye: "Your Child Left Behind". Well, that says it all doesn't it? Or does it? Given the headline, I had to give it a look-see. It is actually quite an interesting article. It discusses a study undertaken to determine whether parents' claims that cross-country measurements are inaccurate because America is just so diverse. Basically, they looked at the percentages of top-performing students in math in various countries and ranked them.

Adding an unusual twist, the folks who did the study actually took each US state separately and ranked it against the countries of the world. For those of you who are not aware, US states each run their own educational system. There isn't common standardization about what is learned by whom at what age. There is also no standardization on who can teach and what qualifications they must have. And, given the size of the US (Jordan is about the same size as a smallish US state, say Indiana) and the fact that there are effectively 48 contiguous states the size of countries, you can't really compare all of the US to any other single country.

It's pretty interesting to see the states ranked against other countries. The first thing I noticed was that my home state, Alabama, outperformed only a small handful of states. This has been the story of life since I've been alive pretty much. Alabama is typically ranked number 47 with the other two jockeying for number 49... Sigh. It is sandwiched (along with Oklahoma) between Serbia and Bulgaria at the bottom of the overall list. If you'd like to see the graph, you can find it here.

Now, I was actually looking at the list while thinking about how much more focus Jordan places on pushing math. Using the national curriculum, the Beans are doing math that I didn't start until at least 2 years later. I've noticed that they have a strong focus on math and push, push, push. Having spent some time observing college graduates in Jordan, I have definite thoughts on the shortcomings of the educational system here. Much lamented by wide swathes of the community, Jordan fails to prepare students for using creativity, critical reasoning, thinking and applying concepts. So, the focus on math comes at the expense of other topics. So, this focus on math should translate into better overall performance on a math-based comparison like this one, right? Well, actually not really. Jordan was one of the countries noted as falling below the measurable percentage. So, all the focus apparently isn't translating into the desired results.

But I guess what I really spend time thinking about are the areas where America has traditionally NOT been out-taught. I mean, so much lip service is given to the fact that students in Japan are so far ahead (in math at least). Excellent, so that means that Japan's superior educational system (presumably) has turned out graduates who are taking the world by storm, right? Hmmm... not so much. Like the US, Japan has had wins and losses. However, while we see lots of operational or numerical leadership, we often see little creative leadership.

So, spending time in another country broadens horizons and shows me areas that need supplementing. In Jordan, the country needs a good dose of creative thinking. They need the opportunity to develop innovative skills. While societally people are good at copying, little true innovation goes on. I'd love to see more and more of this. My experience this year with NaNoWriMo has convinced me that it is an area ripe for integration into Jordan's school system. And, while some schools utilized the Young Writer's Program at the high school level, I'm thinking that we need to start at the elementary level. That's my next goal, spreading the power of the written word into schools across Jordan. How will I do that? Ah, I'll keep you posted!

Happy Teaching!

Not to toot my own horn but... I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-29T07:40:00.000-08:00

Warning, gratuitous exclamation mark usage ahead!

Ladies and gentlemen, join me in cheering, shouting, and honking horns in celebration of my first-ever completed novel! Today, while listening to TetaBean study with the kids (thanks TetaBean!), I finished my novel. In just 50,300 words, I finished a novel that will set the world on its ear... or not, teehee. But, it is a novel and it is my first. Just saying, woohooooooooo!!!!!

For those who took me up on my challenge, show me your crappy prizes. For those who didn't, sad to be you. Those who took me up on my challenge one month ago and wrote 50,000 words in November, dinner is ready when are you?

And for those who have no idea what I'm talking about, once again MommaBean has done something counter-cultural (call the papers!). In the month of November, I joined in the National Novel Writing Month challenge. In their own words...

What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month's time.
Who: You! We can't do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let's write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.
Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era's most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.
When: You can sign up anytime to add your name to the roster and browse the forums. Writing begins November 1. To be added to the official list of winners, you must reach the 50,000-word mark by November 30 at midnight. Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word counters, the partying begins.

This year, for the first time, I participated in and won nanowrimo. On the way, I found out some things about myself. Some of the things I learned:

I like to see smaller achievable goals. I didn't write 50,000 words this month. I wrote 1667 for 30 days.
Even within the smaller goals, I like flexibility. My chart looks something like this, no progress, no progress, no progress, 5000 words. Then, 1667 for three days running, then no words, no words, no words, then 3000 words.
Being part of a group doing something slightly crazy makes it more fun.
Jordan has beautiful young ladies (some of whom are teaching our kids, how lucky are we!) who are crazy too.
Even in a place where people don't like to read, they will write novels. About 300 people signed up across the Middle East region. Regardless of how many complete their novel this month, the number is encouraging.
Jordanian kids are competing in the Young Writer's program, how awesome is that?!
I'm not sure what to do with my spare time anymore... but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
People are more encouraging than you expect, even when what you're doing sounds as crazy as it is (thanks to all of those who have been Facebook encouraging me).
People seem to want to read the awful novel you wrote in a 30 days period... even when they know you only took 30 days to write it...
Nanowrimo is fun and everyone in Jordan should be required to participate at least once

Now I'm off to read some stories with the Beans, they've had much more rushed reading schedules this month and deserve some devoted time and attention today. MommaBean signing out with the relief of a job done (regardless of how well)...

Happy madness!

America's McTravel Options: Full bodies on the internet or strip search over clothes? Something just seems wrong here...

2010-11-22T02:22:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting and waiting focusing on the novel, but just can't wait any more. I am truly and deeply disturbed by the changes going on in airport security in the US. I read this article yesterday about a retired teacher with an ostomy bag (an external urine collection device for those who have suffered from, among other things, bladder cancer. This man was given the "enhanced pat down" after going through the full body scanner because of his medical prosthesis. Unfortunately, the highly trained and skilled TSA agents refused to listen to him explain that he has a medical condition. How insensitive and disgusting could their behavior be?

Then today, I saw the following video.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

You know, what's truly troubling to me is that most Americans don't seem to care. Once we take the fear to this level, we've lost already. When we say no one is human in order to catch inhuman predators, we've lost our own humanity. Mind you, I don't have a particular issue with pat downs. In Jordan, this is par for the course for women. Somehow metal detectors are not adequate (I won't even go there), so we get patted down twice for each trip.

Yep, that's right. Double pat downs in the course of getting to my plane. Yet, somehow dignity is retained. I've never had an issue with screeners at the airport here. They ascertain what they need to (I have no weapons and no bombs) without making me feel like I've been violated. What worries me is that the media is listening to hacks like the Israeli guy. Really, THIS is the model you want to hold up?

Note in the video that he's encouraging profiling (which doesn't work) and talking about loss of privacy. Unfortunately, it seems to me that in Israel only one class of non-citizen is subjected to such inhuman behavior... and it's created suicide bombers. So, maybe that's NOT the model we want to follow.

And, as for full body screens, is there anyone in the world who doesn't foresee these pictures ending up for sale on ebay? Anyone at all? I can see what this will become, whether they can see your face or not. Oh, and do you really think there are no cameras that are taking video of the screeners at all times? How hard is it to match these up? I don't think all TSA screeners are bad, but there is some percentage that is. There is ALWAYS some percentage that is...

Personally, I plan to say no thank you to "full body screening" and live with the pat downs. But, hopefully by the time I travel to the US again, they will have a more appropriate option available. And, I'm sorry but dial down the fear rhetoric and search for real solutions. I feel the same way about this as the Patriot Act, if you want live in a police sate there are many to choose from. Maybe we should keep America as America... I seem to recall something about it being the land of the free, but that WAS before 9/11 I guess. Perhaps we should change our national anthem to, the land of the kind of free in some ways and the home of those who live in fear. Seems more appropriate these days. So, to Secretary Clinton and President Obama, yeah you really need to think long and hard about that "balance" you've been treating so cavalierly. I find America beginning to slide down a slippery slope and I don't think I like where the end of it is...

Happy Imbalance!

Repost: Exciting Outcome of the Jordan Election

2010-11-12T01:14:00.000-08:00

Reposting as blogger is having some issue with the previous post...

So, in case anyone missed it, the Jordan Times has reported the election results from Tuesday's elections here. You may notice that the brown-haired party candidate (tongue firmly in cheek) Reem Badran won. I am proud to say that I had a hand in electing her. There was something actually quite special about her performance in this election. Many readers may be unaware that Jordan's electoral system has a built in "quota" for certain minorities. These include specified seats for Christians, Circassians, and women. So, the fact that a woman was elected in the third district isn't particularly newsworthy. But let me tell you what is... Reem Badran did not win as a woman. She beat her male opponents in direct competition hands-down.

1. Mamdouh Saleh Abbadi 2,131 Muslim
2. Reem Mudar Badran 3,792 Muslim
3. Abdul Rahim Fathi Biqai 2,309 Muslim
4. Ahmad Mohammad Safadi 3,099 Muslim
5. Ghazi Farid Misharbash 3,198 Christian

The next closest opponent competing for an open seat only posted 3,099 votes. Reem beat him by nearly 700 votes. And, ladies and gentlemen that's something. The result of this, much to my happiness, is that Reem takes one of the 5 seats for the third district. She does NOT take one of the women's seats.

This article details Reem's win and notes that she is the FIRST woman to win a seat outside of the quota system. Amman should be proud. ** Side note, I have been assured that she may be the first woman in the THIRD district, nut is not the first in the country. There is a woman who has managed this several times outside of Amman. Maybe some fact checking would be appropriate for JT? **

However, the second thing that I am not seeing anyone talking about is the fact that the candidate with the second most votes in the District is a Christian candidate. Unfortunately (from my perspective only of course), the Christians do not run in a quota system like the women do. Rather, they run for a specific Christian seat. Unlike in Reem's case, Ghazi Musharbash does not take one of the 4 non-Christian seats leaving the Christian seat open to the next highest Christian. However, it would be interesting to see if a Christian can, in fact, run in open competition. It's certainly an idea for the next election giving the scores in this one. I'm both surprised and impressed at the results for District 3.

I remain glad that I went out and voted (once again a painless and smooth process). We did not experience any incidents and had only very nice people politely handing out election materials. For those who didn't vote this time, get out and vote.

In my house the rule is: If you don't vote, you don't get complaining rights. I suspect it's the only reason El 3atal voted, honestly. He knows if he didn't go and vote and then wanted to whine about anything Parliament related, I'd have made him stop ;). Because after all, if you give up your right to make the choice, you don't care enough to complain... 'nuff said.

Happy results-oriented voting!

A Big Week for People Overstating Their Opinions... Environment and Refugees Under Fire?

2010-10-30T04:40:00.000-07:00

This week, there have been two major snafus where officials in position of authority have made remarks that were unwisely chosen. Seeing this second example has promoted me to comment on both. I'll start with the one I saw today. The Jordan Times reported today that Andrew Whitley, the head of the New York UNRWA office, indicated that Palestinian refugees should give up on a right of return and the Arab countries should find places for them.

For anyone who is reading this blog and is not overly familiar with the region, I feel an explanation is appropriate here. UNRWA, the United Nations Relief and Works Agency, from their website:

UNRWA (the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East) provides assistance, protection and advocacy for some 4.7 million registered Palestine refugees in Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and the occupied Palestinian territory, pending a solution to their plight.
UNRWA is funded almost entirely by voluntary contributions from UN member states.

Before moving to Jordan, I had no idea that the UN had an agency dedicated specifically to Palestinian Refugees. To further illustrate, Jordan is currently served by both UNRWA and the UNHCR (United Nations High Commission on Refugees, the UN Refugee Agency). The UNRWA deals with Palestinians registered with the UN as refugees. These are people who typically live in one of the acknowledged refugee camps, I believe there are 15. I blogged at Christmas time about my visit to one of the camps. It was a sobering experience. The UNHCR covers the Iraqi Refugees in Jordan.

However, let's be clear. To be a refugee served by the UNRWA, you must meet specific criteria. As an example, El 3atal and his family have no relationship with UNRWA for all that they are refugees. Those Palestinians who came to Jordan and received citizenship cease falling under the auspices of direct support for the UNRWA, from what I understand. So, this agency is specifically for the Palestinians. You may recall I posted about the Baqa'a refugee camp near Amman and the impact it had on me on my very first trip to Jordan. Seeing the homes and shops with corrugated tin roofs held on by cinder block as a visceral reminder that they are only here temporarily and waiting to return home remains with me.

For an official of UNRWA to say that the Palestinians need to give up on their ability to ever go home is to say that organization has no purpose, to my way of thinking. After all, the organization was created to provide services and advocacy for Palestinian refugees until their situation is resolved in accordance with international law. Did I miss where that has happened? Somehow I don't think so.

The UNRWA was quick to say that these express Mr. Whitley's views, not those of the UNRWA. Frankly, if he didn't lose his job for saying something like this out of turn, he should have. I take the same very dim view of this as the recent brouhaha over the (former) Minister of the Environment's resignation after poorly conceived remarks. As a representative of your organization, you provide a public face. It appears that, like the Jordanian government, UNRWA needs to provide media training for its Directors. When you are speaking at a meeting of the National Council for U.S.-Arab Relations in your role as NY Director of the UNRWA, you don't get to have an opinion. If you do have an opinion, you keep it to yourself.

I mentioned Mr. Malhas' poorly conceived (and timed) remarks as it is the second instance where someone who should have kept his mouth shut offered an opinion when he shouldn't have one. Somehow the message was not clear to Mr. Malhas that, when opening a workshop for journalists organized by international environmental bodies, it was be ill-advised to trash talk the media in general and specific reporters. Again, he was not there as Mr. Malhas private citizen with an opinion on the environment. He was in attendance as a representative of Jordan's government. He was there as the face for the environment of Samir Rifai's government. In effect, he was there representing His Majesty, King Abdullah. I can't quite imagine what, in that role, made him think that his personal opinions of the qualifications, skill, and motivation-levels of journalists should be open game. While his remarks that Jordanian journalists lack fact-checking skills and are unmotivated to do a great job may be true, it was the wrong time, place, and person to approach the subject. I have many personal opinions on the state of journalism in Jordan. As a private citizen, I not only can hold these opinions, but can espouse them loudly as much as I like. However, the moment I transition from representing only myself, I give up those rights...

These two cases clearly demonstrate to me that media training is sorely needed by everyone who is likely to find themselves in the spotlight, no matter how small that spotlight may be. When representing others, you must carefully consider your remarks and think long and hard before making statements that may be poorly received. It's not longer just you that you are affecting...

Happy Feet (in Mouth)!

MommaBean throws down the gauntlet, are you up for the challenge?

2010-10-28T02:06:00.001-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, come one, come all. November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo to those in the know, which now includes you). I think that this a challenge that Jordan needs to take up. The state of reading in Jordan is dire. Let's make a mark by bumping up the stakes. MommaBean will host any writer living in Jordan who successfully completes the NaNoWriM0 challenge (writing at least 50,000 words during the month of November) to a fine dining experience. Yep, I'll provide the meal for anyone who manages to make this happen.

Fundamentally, here's the thought behind NaNoWriMo, write a novel during the month of November. It doesn't have to be good, it just has to meet the required number of words. Personally, this is my first attempt. During the last year, I read one of the novels that came out of this month. Water for Elephants is an awesome book that tells a simple, yet elegant story. The idea that the author wrote in a month is intriguing. So, I'm giving it a go. I have no idea whether I'll be successful, but I'm going to get out there and do it. I urge you to join me!

Happy Novel Ideas!

Honorable Protests of Israeli State Terrorist Propaganda

2010-10-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

I came across this video through friends. I have to say that it brings up a number of emotions for me.

These students at University of Michigan took part in a beautiful protest. They were silent throughout, just as the victims of the terrorist Israeli government are silent. Notice several of the students have Duck Tape on their mouths making the point even more powerfully.

At a school where the administration believes it is appropriate to invite such "guests" to the campus, I am so proud that these young Americans have the strength of character and beliefs to stand up and be counted. The fact that a school in Michigan with a huge Arab population would bring them to campus is criminal. Good for those who stood up and were counted!

Happy protest!

The Brown Hair Candidate? How poor arabic (and harder-to-read fonts) confuse one voter...

2010-10-19T09:38:00.001-07:00

So, as the voluminous campaign posters have gone up, I've been watching with interest. The candidate pool is at the same time both hauntingly familiar and strikingly new. After all, Abu Shawareb (ala Dave's post at the last election) is back again. But, Mr. Layalina and Mr. Sell-his-grandmother aren't. I have noticed that just today a new poster went up for a fellow sporting stubble (and a questionable hairstyle that is almost channeling Donald Trump). Haven't seen him before. Or the guy who looks like he's trying out his first-ever smile.

But, so far my favorite election moment (if 3 days can be considered a moment) is when I first read the posters for Reem Badran. What? She's the brown hair candidate? Hunh? You see her slogan is "without slogans", which with my questionable Arabic reading skills and a font that makes the d look like an r mis-translated into broon sha3araat (brown hair was all I could come up with). I actually almost would prefer that. That would really crack me up... Hi, I'm the brown hair candidate. After all, the reasons people vote for a candidate here often seem almost that silly to me. Not sure for whom I'll vote, but the brown hair party is leading so far ;).

Happy mis-reading!

Troubling Oversteps by American Law Enforcement... Maybe His Lawyer Should Seek a Restraining Order for His Stalkers...

2010-10-17T01:00:00.001-07:00

I saw an article about a week ago and came another one on the same topic this morning. The tale is one right out of every conspiracy novel or film made... A guy goes to get his oil changed and the tech notices an out-of-place wire. They discover a GPS tracking device attached to his car. When he posts a picture of it on-line to find out what it is, the FBI comes knocking wanting its device back... Yikes!

This Arab American fellow clearly has drawn the attention of the authorities, apparently mostly because his father was well-known and he sends money home. It does make you wonder how many more of these are out there. In the earlier article it talked about the fact that this device isn't even very state-of-the-art.

I will be interested to see what tactics his lawyer uses to fight this. It seems that the law on this one is still being written. Some courts have determined that GPS tracking devices require a search warrant as they go beyond a simple tail on a single trip. Personally, that argument makes sense to me. As the Washington DC judge said, it is unlikely anyone would actually spend the time following movements so closely for an entire month. That got me thinking about stalkers. They're about the only ones who do, right? So maybe they should sue for stalking? Take out a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) to keep them backed off?

The erosion of American civil liberties and the continual overstepping of American law enforcement in the name of "safety" worries me greatly. I think that law enforcement leaders need to reread a few key books, including 1984 and Fahrenheit 451. They seem to have lost sight of what they are step by step becoming. And it really worries me. I understand that they are fighting against a nebulous enemy, but by sliding bit by bit down this slope, they will assure that no one has freedom and no one has safety. It's not a war, which we all know. A war can be won...

Happy Surprises!

Does Jordan Have Bullies?

2010-10-16T07:33:00.001-07:00

ButterBean put this question to me the other day after ballet practice. Strangely, the moms had just had a conversation about an article one had read on just that topic. The question flew at me from out of the blue. I asked ButterBean where she heard about bullying? She seemed very reluctant to answer. It got me worried. I expect I reacted with my mommy-worry rather than calm and rational mode. Honestly I was surprised she even knew the word.

In the end, it led to a very productive conversation about bullying. It's something that I've had on my mind since my kids started school in Jordan. I expect it would have been on my mind in the US as well. But, kids in Jordan are rougher. The girls have a precocious approach to picking at each other. And, they're MUCH more physical. So, I worry for ButterBean. She's so sweet and often will give up something she wants to a classmate who is not even a close friend because they also want whatever it is she's gotten (bracelet in a particular color,etc.). We've had to have many conversations about protecting herself and not giving up something she loves. And she's shed tears over this.

So, naturally when ButterBean brought up bullying, I was worried. After some conversation (not in the car), we discovered that this came from a book that she had gotten from the library. I have a sense there's some trigger I'm not in the know on, but... This week she picked a book in Arabic on bullying for her weekly story to read and answer questions. This continuing need to talk about bullying makes me think that she's trying to process it in some way. My guess is that it doesn't involve her directly. In fact, knowing her class, I'd bet it's outside her class. But it does have me wondering.

It got me thinking. Then, today I saw a blog post from a woman to her daughter about bullying. She posted this in the wake of an NYU student killing himself as the result of on-line bullying. This is a trend I can't relate to. When I was in college, our very forward college had e-mail. Period. Not fancy e-mail, not the Internet. We had e-mail. So, cyberbullying is outside of my realm of experience. Regardless, bullying is bullying.

One of the main lessons that it is vital to teach our children is empathy. In Jordan, this vital skill is undervalued and overlooked. When our KG had an expert come in and talk about empathy, she was hounded on all fronts by one father. He spent the whole time arguing. His first argument was that it doesn't enough scientific basis... it's all touchy-feely. The expert offered to provide him with several empirical studies on the topic that had been published in well-respected, refereed journals. His next argument was that it's a Western idea that doesn't apply. She referred him to her professional research on the topic and her findings. Finally he used my very favorite argument. We don't need to talk about empathy because... get this... it is built into Islam so everyone automatically practices it. At that point El 3atal and some of the others finally said, you're crazy and an idiot if you think that's the case. Oh, and we came to learn not to hear you argue with the expert, so hush now your turn is over...

However, the insight that gives is interesting... and frightening. The idea that because Islam says something that he perceives to be about empathy, he doesn't need to teach his kids to be empathetic, well I understand many problems better. Every religion likely holds values that, if followed perfectly, would lead to empathetic followers. And yet, we are all human. None of us, as far I know, are perfect. And frankly, the only way our children are raised with our religious values is if we teach them. We use discipline and gentle correction, loving guidance and teaching points. Without them, our children will not hold our values. In the best case, they'll hold no values. In the worst case, they'll hold the world's values.

It's funny that when trying to translate the word, the parents all wanted to use different words for the concept of empathy. The one most of them thought of was actually sympathy. This is a common mistake. The difference, though, is vast. Sympathy is feeling FOR someone. When something bad happens, you are sad for your friend. Empathy is feeling WITH them. When something bad happens, your heart hurts with them. These are not at all the same thing.

Clearly I don't talk to the Beans about empathy in those words. They aren't meaningful to a young child. What we do talk about is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. In a VERY simple example, we were walking down the street one day a month or so ago and someone with a physical handicap went by. One of the Beans was pointedly staring at them. We stopped short immediately. I explained to them that staring at someone is unacceptable. It is terribly rude. They asked why. I simply said to them, well you are blond and fair, how do you feel when people stare at you? Their answer, a little funny, kind of sad, not good. So I asked them, do you want to make that little boy feel bad like that? It was not the first time we talked about empathy. It won't be the last by any stretch of the imagination. Yet each teachable moment sets more firmly in their minds, attitudes, and behaviors what our values are. You can call them Christian values, you can call them human values. By any name, they are learning the values that we believe in. We believe in the dignity of humans. We believe in the rightness of respect. We believe in considering others before yourself. And if, by ButterBean shocking me with her talk of bullies, we can solidify that teaching even more, I'm thrilled.

I submit to each of the parents out there that you understand your values and make sure that you are actively teaching them to your children. Make sure that you are surrounding them with adult figures who support that teaching. If their school is one of the many schools I've been hearing about recently that claim to have superior Islamic deen teaching but have teachers that hit children, complain and change that system. I assure you that if you think your children will learn that humans deserve dignity and respect by being hit by someone given authority over them... you are deluding yourself. If you don't yet have children, I submit to you to carefully consider what values you want to instill. Once the child is here is rather late to spend time thinking. You'll be so tired you won't be able to think. And know that each adult that you willingly place in your child's life is teaching them about YOUR values. Take that responsibility seriously. You are the one who determines the values they are instilled with.

Happy Values!

Water is life's matter and matrix, mother and medium. There is no life without water. -- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

2010-10-15T00:44:00.000-07:00

Man has lauded water perhaps since the beginning of time.

Lao Tzu (founder of Taosim 600-531 BC) said of water:

Nothing in this world is more flexible and yielding than water. Yet then it attacks the firm and the strong, none can withstand it, because they have no way to withstand it."

Bible, Book of Ecclesiastes 1:7

All the waters run to the sea and yet the sea is not full, and from the place where they began, thither they return again.

Water is the driving force of all nature.

Leonardo DaVinci, 1452-1519

When the well is dry, we know the value of water.

Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac 1746

Rain! Whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains.

Henry Ward Beecher, 1813-1887

Would that I were a dry well, and that the people tossed stones into me, for that would be easier than to be a spring of flowing water that the thirsty pass by, and from which they avoid drinking.

Khalil Gibran, 1883-1931

The marsh, to him who enters it in a receptive mood, holds, besides mosquitoes and stagnation, melody, the mystery of unknown waters, and the sweetness of Nature undisturbed by man.

Charles William Beebe, Log of the Sun, 1906

Water has no taste, no color, no odor; it cannot be defined, art relished while ever mysterious. Not necessary to life, but rather life itself. It fills us with a gratification that exceeds the delight of the senses.

Antoine De Saint-Exupery, Wind, Sand, and Stars 1939

If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water.

Loran Eisely, The immense Journey, 1957

All the water that will ever be is, right now.

National Geographic, October 1993

Woman has had fun with it:

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Erma Bombeck, 1927-1996

Contemporary Gil Stern perhaps sums up man's relationship with water best:

Man is a complex being; he makes deserts bloom and lakes die.

Perhaps the bottom line is best summed up by the man who arguably knew earth's water the best...

We forget that the water cycle and the life cycle are one. - Jacques Cousteau

Sitting in one of the world's most water-poor countries where people use water as if they'd never heard the word drought, this year's Blog Action Day about water is especially meaningful. It is up to each of us to find ways to reduce, reuse, and recycle. In Jordan, water is perhaps our biggest place to make a difference. Let's all spend some time making water conservation and reuse part of our routine. And, on the bright side, it'll save money too!

For more information on Blog Action Day and how you can help bring clean water to the world, check out this website.

Happy Agua!

Am I the ONLY one even thinking about identity theft?!

2010-10-14T00:50:00.001-07:00

Seriously now. I have been working on my election ballot for the US mid-term elections. I'm aware I'm bucking a trend (or several). Mid-term elections like this one typically see voter turn-out between 30-40% of the US population. So, the idea that I am voting in a mid-term election from Jordan is extraordinary.

In fact, this year looks to be a blockbuster balloting year for me. Today the US elections and in a short while, Jordan's elections. Anyway, tangent aside...

On this ballot from my state in the US (one of the few that won't allow expedited mailing), you have to provide an affidavit (swearing basically) that it is your ballot and you've voted and witnessed by two adults (this is a positive step from the states that used to make you get it notarized... a practice that has been disallowed). Now, on this affidavit, which is printed directly on the envelope for mailing, it requires your name, address, signature, and date of birth. Really?! Basically, the only thing you haven't asked for is my social security number. Shall I place that on the outside of an envelope proceeding unsecured through the US (and, as an absentee ballot, likely foreign) postal system? I mean, what are they thinking?

Now, I tend to be on the cautious side these days, but really. Did the person who dreamed up this scheme not give it ANY thought? So, as if finding two adults to verify that I am me and I signed the paper, now I have to go find another envelope big enough to fit the two envelopes (slightly larger than 8.5 X11) so that I'm not sending an identity-theft-o-gram... I sure hope this is the last complication for me on this matter. With it being such a hassle, no wonder no one votes...

Happy civic duty!

Why Jordanians are Shorter than Americans...

2010-10-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

So, first thing many people will want to argue is that Jordanians are not shorter than Americans. If there were actually growth charts here, I'd be happy to quote them. Instead, I have to use my anecdotal evidence based on the Beans. So, let's talk about the Beans. I began to notice this short phenomenon with ButterBean. ButterBean takes after me. She has the petite genes. When she was under a year old, our pediatrician expressed serious concerns that she was so small. He looked at me and at El 3atal and thought she should be bigger. I went home, got my baby book information, and brought it in. She was WAY bigger than me at her age which allayed his concerns. Even so, on today's growth charts, ButterBean consistently measures in the 10th percentile. That means that 90% of kids her age in the US would be bigger than her. That's right, 90%!

So, by that measure in each 10 kids in the class, 9 would be taller than she is in the US. By that measure, I expect her, like me, to be the wee-est one in her class. So, I ask you... in Jordan is she the smallest? Not at all. Not by a LONG shot. In fact, at last year's class performance Teta Bean and I discussed the fact that she is 50th percentile. She's in the middle, half taller, half shorter. She's just plain average in height. So, I got to thinking, well maybe she just jumped out of that 10th %ile bracket on the charts. I came home, measured her and plotted it. Nope, she's still 10th %ile in the US. But 10th in the US is 50th here.

Okay, now you're thinking that's just one data point. No worries, I have 2 more. JuniorBean is also in the 10th percentile for his age on US growth charts. He looks like ButterBean and is small. But, happily (for me and for him), he's also not the smallest in his class. He's not even one of the smallest 2 or 3. He's not quite average, but he's getting there after a growth spurt during the summer.

My final data point is JujuBean who is 75th percentile in height in the US. Yep, she takes after El 3atal's family and got the tall genes. In the US, she'd be tall, but 25% of the class would be taller. So, in that mythical class of 10, she'd have 2.5 girls taller than her. And in Jordan? She's an Amazon. When put next to her best friend, there is literally a head's worth of difference. She towers over the majority of her classmates. This year, she got a new classmate who is taller... and apparently supposed to be a third grader. In fact, JujuBean is average for ButterBean's third grade class. And in the US, she wouldn't be the tallest. Not at all.

So, you see, even among kids who typically continue to trend upward in height, Jordanians are shorter. And, what could cause this? Well, clearly genes cause some of this. Short dads typically produce short sons. If most US dads are taller then most of their kids would be taller. There's nutrition. After all, everything we read in the mainstream media is that Americans feed their kids really well, right? Not! Well, yesterday I developed a theory...

I came across an Article on sleep deprivation and growth. It is very interesting. I read this years ago and use it to help my kids understand why they have an early bed time. I have explained to them that they grow in their sleep, so if they aren't sleeping enough, they won't grow...

Basically, the article on BabyCenter explains how the human growth hormone experiences its most intense release "shortly after the beginning of deep sleep." Without enough sleep, kids may experience slowed or stunted growth... Production of the growth hormone can even be disrupted without enough sleep.

So, how much is enough? KG2 kids should be getting 10 to 12 1/2 hours of sleep per night! So, the family that eats dinner at 8 and puts the kids to bed at 9 or 10... your child should be sleeping until 7 or 8 am. If they are on the low end of the sleep needs scale. And if they fall right asleep. That's not 10-12 hours of "lights out", that's 10-12 hours of SLEEP.

For those who are saying, but my kids are older... 3rd grade, 4th grade, 6th grade... Great, they only need 9-1/2 to 11-1/2 hours of sleep. Each child needs a slightly different amount, but the children of Jordan definitely need more than the 7 or 8 they seem to get...

So is height the only thing that is affected by too little sleep? Nope. The article mentions that it can affect heart and lung strength and immune system function (yep, they may get sick more). Sleep-deprived kids may overeat and show preference for high-calorie carbs (chips and cookies anyone?). And the lack of sleep hurts their ability to break down the insulin leading to Type 2 Diabetes. And that's just the pure physical impact. They also experience decreased motor skills, diminished concentration, and poor judgment leading to accidents, behavioral issue, and performance issues.

And for those who think that afternoon naps will make up for it, remember that the growth hormone is released after the beginning of DEEP sleep, not light afternoon napping. The moral of my story is, make your bedtime earlier in order to get taller kids! I mean, the Beans may go back to being short, but at least they'll have fewer behavior related distractions in the classroom ;).

Happy ZZZZZZZZZ!

A Missed Opportunity: License Plate Revenue Passes Jordan By

2010-10-11T00:43:00.000-07:00

During our vacation in the US this summer, I noticed something striking. For those of you who may be unaware, Alabama is not a rich state... not at all. In fact, it's ranked number 46 (out of 50) for median household income. Most of its income is agricultural and, in the broader scheme of the US, it's one of those much overlooked states. As a result, the state treasury isn't flush with money from large companies and huge taxation opportunities. Well, this visit I noticed something VERY interesting. Just below, you will find the standard Alabama license plate. However, I saw very few of them. What I saw instead were specialty plates.

These plates are also called vanity plates. Originally, they looked like regular license plates, but had special sayings on them. A vanity plate was immortalized on Seinfeld when the proctologist (doctor of the yucky intestines) had a plate that was *ssman. However, in its endless quest for additional revenue streams, Alabama has introduced new lines of specialty plates. They are more like "cause" plates. For instance, here is a "supporting breast cancer research" plate.

The draw of these plates is that part of the proceeds goes to the organization. In fact, the first iteration of these included special plates for public and private colleges and universities. Back then maybe 10% of the population had special plates. This trip, it seemed like at least 70% did.

And, I got to thinking. Now, I know that the EU paid for the new Jordanian license plate schema. And, herein lies the challenge. Those Europeans have their own little box. They have ideas and think they're the only good ones (it seems like there's another group that does that... oh yes, we Americans, teehee). So, Jordan ended up with European style ugly, ugly, ugly license plates. And, they missed out on an amazing revenue generation opportunity. Imagine with me a Jordan where each family could design its own license plate. Members of the family could pay a premium price to have this plate. I'm not talking auction them off for 10000 dinars. I'm talking, pay an additional 75JDs for this special plate. In Alabama, most of these plates are $50 extra per year.

Since the EU schema planned for 10 million cars (let's not talk about where those 10 m would park or drive, but...), imagine the revenue if even 50% had specialty plates. Imagine the King Hussein Cancer Center's boon if they could get people to pay 100JDs and the center gets that extra 25... Imagine that world... Jordan could do away with several of its more arcane taxes by having such an offering... I'm sure of it. And, as seen by the Alabama license plates, the opportunities are endless. For those who'd like to see what I'm talking about, here is a list of all the license plates and their fees. And here are pictures of the non-collegiate plates and here are the collegiate plates.

So, I submit to you, Jordan missed an opportunity once to look around the world and see how things are done world-wide. Hopefully the next time found-money comes calling, they will think more about other options as well, instead of accepting the first plain ugly license plate on offer, teehee.

Happy Plates!

What lessons are we teaching our children?

2010-10-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

This summer in America was really a huge boon for the entire Bean family. With the start of school and getting into the swing of activities, I've been rather MIA. But, since the middle of the summer I've had this post festering. Today I've finished the work El 3atal wanted me to take care of, dropped the kids at school and responded to e-mails. Finally (!) I have time to blog... I've been thinking an awful lot about how our parents teach us our outlook on life.

We were talking about a cousin who recently moved to a new city. She moved away from home and family hoping to be happy. But, the reality that she has yet to learn (in her 40s) is that happiness isn't a place. Someone who is determined to be unhappy will be anywhere. Someone who is determined to be happy will be - anywhere. And, much of this approach to life is learned behavior. Let me give you an example. This cousin's sister was sitting with a relative one day bemoaning and "poor me'ing" about how hard her life is. She's 30 something and unmarried, she has had such a hard life, and so on. The relative said to her (slightly incredulous), what are you talking about? You are healthy, you own your own apartment in one of the world's best cities, you have a great job where you are appreciated, you make more than enough money to meet your needs. What in the WORLD do you have to feel sorry for yourself about? This cousin thought for a moment and realized, hey, you're right. I'm blessed. Just a couple of weeks ago, she was married to a lovely man who suits her to a T. Once her outlook changed, so could everything else.

This attitude is a serious danger in Jordan. Palestinian mothers, reacting to their own sense of loss and extreme emotional distress over being forced from their homes at very young and impressionable ages have left their children with the idea that they are poor and put upon. I see this attitude among many of the wealthiest families in Jordan. You see wealthy people who hoard their money. They still retain the refugee mentality, even those who have lived in wealth their whole lives. The parents do this, typically, without even realizing it. No parent WANTS their child to be unhappy. But, it is hard not to do what we've learned. As this younger generation has children, they must begin to guard against taking this same approach and instilling this attitude of dissatisfaction and poverty (of spirit if not money) in their children.

This idea first came to me while at Disney World this summer. We were all first-timers at Disney World. El 3atal had been to Disney Land and MimiBean took UncleBean and I (when I was like 1). But none of us would claim to have been there before given the changes and differences. When MimiBean took us, Magic Kingdom was the only park and was smaller than your average Six Flags...

As you can imagine, we saw many meltdowns, tantrums, and cry-fests. And, as we saw them I noticed something. Most of the kids were well-behaved. Most of the parents were excited to be there. But most of the tantrum-throwers' parents seemed annoyed to be there. They were uninterested and inattentive. The correlation there isn't surprising. In addition, the parents' approach to the characters defined the kids' approach. The parents who were willing to look foolish and ran up to greet characters and made it seem like an adventure to wait in line had kids excited to take pictures. The ones who didn't had kids hiding behind their legs or whiny and fussy long before their turn came.

However, the best example of this for me was the Electrical Light Parade. Each night at 9pm, there is a parade. Now, this parade is something else. Really it is. All of your favorite characters ride floats lit with thousands of rainbow light bulbs. These floats wiggle and jiggle, the lights are lit in patterns to amaze and delight. The Beans have a 7pm bed time. Yep, even in the summer. Even in Jordan (where it seems to me the average is 10pm). The Beans go to bed at 7. But, for the Electrical Light Parade, they stayed up. We were at the park from 9 am until 10:30 pm. It was their longest day ever and featured hours of walking and standing in lines in extreme heat. By the time the parade started, I expected them to be tired and whiny. We found a nice spot and sat toward the end of the parade route. The crowds were massive and we were very lucky to find a spot. So, we sat and waited... and waited... and waited. Because although it started at 9, it didn't make it to us until about 9:30.

From the moment the lights went down until the moment they came back up after the parade, the whole area around us was silent. It was if these throngs of people had gone to sleep. Maybe some were overcome with awe, but the rest were comatose or something. But, the Beans and I, sitting by the roadside shouted and screamed and cheered at the top of our lungs. We whooped it up for every character that came by. Personally, I figured if we're tired, how much more tired must those poor characters be. They've been there all day in hot costumes (and this is June, now) from sun up past dun down. So, we gave it our all. The Beans were having a splendid time. And you know what? I didn't hear a single whine the whole night. But what I did see was characters blowing kisses to the Beans. Everyone stopped in front of us and waved. The lost boys from the Peter Pan float even psyched out El 3atal as he was putting them on film, nearly causing him to drop the camera. And, for each float that went by, we got one-on-one views and attention. Every character and every float stopped next to us, twirled their lights, and called out to us. After all, who better to acknowledge than the only people within 300 feet who are cheering? And, I'm sure the people around us thought we looked and sounded like idiots. We were crazy people. And I can't remember EVER having that much fun. Ever. Even after 13 hours of walking. Even after skipping dinner. Even standing in heat and humidity so oppressive it could have been a sauna, that was the most fun I've had in my life. And the Beans, they had a great time without whining or fussing. They were exhausted. They fell asleep in the car on the way home (and we were staying 5 minutes away). But they had a great time.

Imagine with me, if you will, what would have happened had I been like all of the other zombies on the parade route. Would the Beans have had such a great time if we had sat as the parade went by and clapped indolently at them? Would they have such great memories if the characters hadn't blown them kisses and waved directly to them? I know they wouldn't have. And, had I not been willing to look crazy and childish, they would have missed that experience. My sincere hope is that it has taught them to being open to looking silly if it means having fun.

And in our house, we talk frequently about the blessings that we have. At Christmas we give clothes to the Angel Tree (yay to our Priest who set one up last year!). During the year, we try to find ways to help others who are less fortunate than we are. I would not accept the idea from any of my kids that they are in some way "poor". They have love. They are rich indeed. They love each other and we love them. They always have a full belly. They have a roof over their heads that doesn't leak. They have friendships to treasure. In what way could they be considered poor? They don't have a swimming pool? Give me a break. They aren't driven to school in a limo? Please. We may not have the material things some have, but we have MUCH more than many. And in Jordan it's very easy to forget, sheltered in our West Amman bubble, that there are people living on 1 JD per day. If one of my kids tries to "poor me", they'll be heading out to serve those less fortunate in a heartbeat. After all, we all need reminders of how blessed we are. What blessings do you have today? Talk to your kids about them tonight. Remind them of how lucky they are (and if you aren't sure how to begin the conversation, go get yourself a copy of the Dr. Seuss book, "Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?"). Get involved in creating the next generation of positive, happy Jordanians rather than the unhappy, poor-me Jordanians...

Happy life-lessons!

Facebook Junkies... Growing problem among 6 year olds?

2010-09-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

Today I was alarmed at something I saw on Facebook. My kids' former tutor is one of my friends on Facebook. She is absolutely lovely and that isn't what alarmed me, teehee. Today she had some pictures of her class at school. I went to see if I recognized any of the kids... I did. Also not what alarmed me. What alarmed me is this... several of her FIRST graders have Facebook pages. Yes, that's right 6 year olds with Facebook pages. I knew that some of ButterBean's class mates (8 year olds) have them and was horrified, but YIKES! 6 YEAR OLDS!

I have to admit that when I see this, I wonder what are these parents thinking? Facebook is, by no stretch of the imagination, a safe place for kids to be spending time. Not only are there pictures openly accessible of inappropriate behavior... there are also predators. February of last year, they made the news with registered sex offenders having profiles. And six year olds are spending time here? In fact, of the profiles I saw for the 6 year olds, only 1 had their pictures hidden from strangers. The other 5, I could see all of their cute pictures of birthday parties and such. Each nicely tagged with the child's name. It seemed to be a a sort of a sign post to find the child easily. And this is leaving aside the fact that Facebook's user terms clearly state that you must be 13 to have an account.

Now, I am often viewed as overprotective of my children. I worry about abduction, I am concerned about abuse, I still keep my kids in car seats... But, I guess, seeing this I'd rather the overprotective than naive. We have banned the kids from exposure to Facebook. There is too little control and too much potential for running across inappropriate content. So, I still wonder, what are those parents thinking?

Happy Junkies!

The Check Is In The Mail... Frenzy-inciting Quran burner to get $200K bill for police protection services...

2010-09-19T02:21:00.000-07:00

And in a turn that reflects a certain poetic justice, the Dove World Outreach (do I ask the obvious question about which part of the world he's actually reaching out to?) Center wants to move out of its current location. However, the police and sheriff's office want him to pay for the extra presence required by his ill-conceived and un-Christian planned protest. The full article, found here, details the preparations made by the local law enforcement bodies.

The small-mindedness of the idea in the first place is one thing, but to create such an uproar and finish with such a whimper is a bit crazy to me. Somehow I have a feeling that the media attention paid to his poorly thought-out scheme took him by surprise. He didn't reckon with an entire country (heck, a whole world) being against him. And, in the taking of flowers to the Orthodox church last week, the Muslim community in Jordan showed that a respectful, well-thought out response makes all the differences. Eschewing the rioting and uproar, this group understood that it was one man, seemingly either off his rocker or deeply involved in a publicity stunt gone wrong, not the Christian community of the US who were undertaking this travesty. Kudos to those who were able to keep cool heads and to those high-placed figures who spoke against the plan. And double kudos to the local governments who are implementing the American system with this church. They need to take responsibility for (and pay for) their actions...

Happy Responsibility!

Who's Afraid of Shari'a Law? Well... I am.

2010-09-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

So, a lady who shares an on-line group sent a link to this article by a woman in an e-zine called Illume entitled Who's Afraid of Shariah? I read the article with some interest. I found, however, the author's assertions to fall somewhere between naive and disingenuous. I'm guessing naive, but I could be wrong. Initially she claims that anti-Shariah rhetoric has gotten way out of control in the US. Now that I'll agree with. It's one of the very few things in her article that I found to be a likely appropriate, if again naive, assertion. Given the sensationalist bent of the media, MOST things get wildly out of control. And, frankly, the war being lost here is a media war, a war of perception that is very hard to win (for evidence of this, consider the Palestinians and their plight...)

However, the arguments that Ms. Ali-Karamali makes in support of why Americans shouldn't be afraid of Shariah are disingenuous at best. She begins by providing us with the six tenets of Shariah.

1. The right to the protection of life.
2. The right to the protection of family.
3. The right to the protection of education.
4. The right to the protection of religion.
5. The right to the protection of property (access to resources).
6. The right to the protection of human dignity.

That is interesting. I hadn't seen this before. Unfortunately, she is bested by not only American rhetoric but actual performance of Muslim nations and the rhetoric espoused by Muslims themselves. These principles sound good. However, her assertion is that "all Islamic religious rules must be in line" with these principles. Ah, herein lies the rub. We're humans and somehow the purest form of anything tends to get a bit messy when we involve the human factor.

She makes the argument that shariah is not the "law of the land" anywhere in the world. That may be true, but in most Middle Eastern countries Islam is the dominant religion and its rules are imposed on non-Muslims. So, for most of us, whether these rules are pure Shariah or not is academic.

Where she truly loses me, though, is her seemingly blind assertion that the Quran is grounded in religious tolerance. Excellent, but the bottom line is that humans are more interested in the walk than the talk. Show me where the below verses are actually implemented...

The Qur'an contains many verses advocating religious tolerance, too, though the anti-Islam protesters won't believe it. The Qur'an says that: God could have made everyone into one people, but elected not to (11:118); God made us into different nations and tribes so that we can learn from one another (49:13); there is no compulsion in religion (2:256); and that we should say, "to you your religion, to me mine" (109:6).

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, an anti-Islam protester. I have wonderful Muslim friends who live in such a way as to show me that Islam can be an amazing faith in a sea of lackluster examples. However, I also don't see any Muslim-based government embracing the above. So, I have a hard time believing that anyone much cares about the religious tolerance prescribed in the Quran.

Let's take the third and fourth assertions here, "there is no compulsion in religion" and "to you your religion, to me mine". Hmm, I kind of feel like imposed public fasting is compulsion. After all, every Ramadan rolls around and I'm not given a choice about whether I can eat in public. It's compulsory that restaurants be closed. However, the foundational reality is actually much grimmer. In many (all?) Muslim countries it is illegal for a Muslim to convert to Christianity. Wait a minute... isn't that compulsion? Maybe I'm fuzzy on what compulsion is. And, as for me having my religion, my kids inherit according to Shariah guidelines. I'm not Muslim, but I have no choice in the matter. Again, perhaps I'm fuzzy but that sounds compulsory, right?

She solidifies my lack of unity with her with her final assertion,

The only verses about fighting in the Qur'an refer specifically to the polytheistic Arab tribes who were trying to kill the Prophet in the 7th century. So the Islamophobes who look in the Qur'an for the fighting verses and assume that these verses refer to them personally are simply being narcissistic. Contrary to counting Jews and Christians as "infidels," the Qur'an repeatedly commands particular respect of Jews and Christians. It is established in Islam that you don't need to be Muslim to go to heaven.

We, non-Muslims, are not being narcissistic in assuming that the verses about killing infidels applies to us. I find this assertion insulting. As she says, repeating a lie does not make it truth. But, the ones repeating this particular "lie" are extremist Muslims as they go about lives of terror. It's not as if some Western conspiracy made up this idea. It is taken from the statements of Al-Qaeda and such groups. So while she, from her vantage point of the calm and comfortable US might see this as a lie, someone needs to inform those who are performing terrorist acts in the name of her religion.

My only personal experience with this was at a party being given by a friend. She had a guest in from the US. I was invited by virtue of being one of the Alabama girls. We're all living here married to Jordanian men and from Alabama originally. I love these ladies, they are awesome. However, at one point in the conversation of the day the guest of honor (and only one actually living in the US) referred to her entire family, who are Christian, as infidels. She paused and looked a bit chagrined fearing I would take offense. At the time I had been living in Jordan for three years and had never heard the word. However, from her reaction, I understood what word she was using. Now, among all my many Muslim friends, I had never previously heard the word, which is good. But this lady felt comfortable calling her family infidels - in front of her children. By extension (and her reaction) clearly I am also an infidel. Her backtracking effectively took the form of please don't misunderstand, I love my family and they're infidels. Now, call me paranoid or narcissistic, but that doesn't sound like "particular respect" and it does sound like some group of Muslims considers Christians to be exactly that... infidels.

Again, I see Ms. Ali-Karamali as either naive or disingenuous. The issue is a complex one and painting Americans as anti-Muslim if they are worried about such things as Shariah is offensive. I currently live in a country that abides by Muslim laws (we won't call it Shariah as I'm not going to argue that point from my place of ignorance on the subject). It is a wonderful place with great qualities. However, its track record on many of those principles that Ms. Ali-Karamali uses are not stellar. And, in living here, I have come to understand very clearly why American-style democracy is such a bad idea in such places. American democracy is predicated on the majority protecting the minority. This idea is absolutely foreign in Jordan. People here think that if they had a democracy it would good because their group would be able to enforce its will. Therein lies the rub. Muslim countries are not shining examples of freedom and tolerance. It may not be purely because they are Muslim, but it isn't coincidental that they tend to make a human interpretation of Islam that looks the same. Personally, the idea of Muslims in the US pushing for more power does worry me. Specifically because many of the people who made their way to the US have this same lack of understanding of the American democracy. It doesn't mean you get to impose your will (majority or not).

Until Ms. Ali-Karamali can show me a country that has implemented the principles she espoused earlier, I think that her argument will continue to fall short. In addition, my concerns won't be hushed away so easily. Those Muslims who currently live in the US, taking advantage of the protections that such a country offers, should be very cognizant of their responsibility in continuing it and in understanding how to reach their communities to ensure they understand it as well. And, at some point, we need people who live by example rather than platitudes and insults. My friends here in Jordan who provide me with this example give me hope. But that hope is somewhat limited because I see them as the minority in their faith not the majority... that's why I'm afraid of Shariah law. My thanks to Ms. Ali-Karamali for the conversation starter... anyone got any thoughts?

Happy Conversation!

Remembering Ramzy, Short Thoughts

2010-09-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

Some of you may remember that for last two years I've posted in remembrance of Ramzy Doany. To be honest, I missed September 11 in Jordan, but being timezones away still can catch the US. Somehow this day always sneaks up on me. I seem to remember about a week in advance and the totally forget until the actual day of. This year, I fell I can't say it better than I did in 2008, so I'm going to excerpt a bit here...

Begin 2008 post

I didn't know Ramzi personally. But, as I'm sure you all know, Amman is a VERY small town. It's so small that when the World Trade Center was destroyed on September 11, 2001, one of our own was lost. Ramziwas not only from Jordan, he was not only Palestinian, he was not only Christian, he was a member of our family. Although we weren't related (even by marriage), we were related by faith, by worship, by practice. Ramzi was one of those American myths, the forgotten, the glossed over: the Palestinian Christian...

Let's not forget that we aren't a myth... Jordan and the Palestinians are blessed with Christians as well as Muslims. People of all faiths and nationalities were lost in the September 11 tragedy. And it's up to us to remember each of them, those who are as like us as peas in a pod and those who are as different putting a plum in that pea pod would be...

Happy Remembrances!

Taking a New (and Favorable) Look At Aqaba...

2010-09-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

So, El 3atal had the brainstorm that for one last brief respite of summer we should take the Beans to Aqaba. Now I haven't been to Aqaba since El 3atal and I got married like 15 years ago. Frankly, I haven't heard the best things about Aqaba. Not much, it seemed had changed. I heard of service that rivals the mediocrity plaguing Amman's five-star hotels. And, the town was as run-down and shady as so long ago... Well, granted the town is the one I remember. However, we didn't stay in town, so it was a non-issue for us.

To set the stage, let me describe the Aqaba I remember... it was essentially a one-horse town. When we walked through the slightly seedy shops, I got cat calls, stares, and hoots. Back then, there weren't Americans on every corner, in every supermarket (what supermarket?) and such. In Amman, I got looks of the sort typified by those who had never seen a blond, but never felt degraded or gross. Aqaba back then was... well... almost Amman today. Aqaba today... well, we skipped the shops and the town in general. We enjoyed a great time at one of Jordan's new resorts. We spent a few days at the Movenpick Tala Bay resort.

The resort was absolutely beautiful. It features stunning views, lovely pools, and something for each age group. They had a great water slide that helped cement the Beans burgeoning swimming skills (kudos to their summer swim instructors in the US). They had a deeper pool with floating goals for older kids (and younger adults). And they had two pools with no kid-features for older guests. They also had a huge chess set that the Beans enjoyed exploring with Baba.

But really, what makes me reevaluate Aqaba as a destination is this... the service at the hotel was excellent. The staff was multicultural including numerous Africans and Filipinas. Even the Jordanians employed in the hotel had good service skills. I didn't get creepy come-on vibes, no staring from the lifeguards, nothing. The buffets were plentiful and tasty. And, perhaps best of all, the place was not crowded. We often had the water slide to ourselves.

All-in-all the experience was a great capstone to our packed summer vacation. We had restful relaxation with good service and good food. We were far enough from home that it was a getaway and close enough that the Beans didn't spend every minute of the trip asking if we were there yet... All in all...

Happy reevaluations!

And out of tragedy comes... celebration

2010-08-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was the five year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina wreaking havoc on Louisiana and the Mississippi coast. Some of you may recall my past blog posts on this topic like this one from last year. I also talked about the personal stresses that stuck with me back in May just after we moved here. Since the beginning of what I think of as the Katrina season, I've been reading articles on the coming anniversary.

For those who aren't familiar with our story, we moved to Jordan about 6 months after Hurricane Katrina. Before we moved, we were living just down the road about an hour outside of New Orleans. We were on the good side of the hurricane and dealt with only power outages and strong winds. The strong winds of day one were wonderful, the power outages lasting from day one through four were not. For us, we suffered from increased traffic, lost food, and downed trees. Given what could have happened (and did to people we know personally), we were very lucky. One friend had 25 members of the family living in her three bedroom house for many weeks. She had her brother's entire family living with her family for months.

I have to admit that hearing about the rolling blackouts in Amman this summer make me even more happy we weren't here. Although the night-time heat is never what it was in Louisiana that year. I have a sense that the reminders of that time would have been too close yet. Sleeping on the tile floor in the kitchen to get a tiny bit of relief from the heat... kids waking screaming crying for water because of the sweating overnight in the extreme heat and humidity. These are definitely things I don't want to think about too much...

Now that alot of time has passed, I find myself still reading news of New Orleans every year. I am still engaged and still thinking about the folks in South Louisiana. Nowadays, they have to deal with nasty oil and tar balls more urgently than the remains of the hurricane damage. But, they're hardy folks. They'll make it through.

Today, the Jordan Times has an article on New Orleans. How surreal to be in Jordan and see an article in the local appear about this place where I used to live. But, the best thing about this article is the way that the people of the lower 9th ward are recognizing the day. For those who are unfamiliar (is it possible that anyone still is?!), the lower ninth ward in New Orleans is a very poor area. The inhabitants were black and the area was rough. The old joke is that if you see a white person, they must be lost. But, they took the spirit of New Orleans and celebrated the way only New Orleans can, with a jazz band (see below) called the second line.

It's kind of like a big, moving jazz party. And, it takes New Orleanians to throw that kind of party marking such a tragedy. The best way to recognize a tragedy? Throw a party.

I was also interested in the groups that held a funeral for Hurricane Katrina. What an excellent way to get closure. People who have come back, rebuilt, and gone on with life put together a coffin, put reminders of the hurricane into a huge time capsule and buried it. It's a nice physical way to move on. The past is gone and buried (literally), now we go on with life...

And, I think there's a lesson here for each of us. When faced with an intolerable situation, perhaps the best response is to move on and then, when the healing has been sufficient, throw a party. Celebrate. You don't celebrate the tragedy. I assure you no one in New Orleans is celebrating the disaster of Hurricane Katrina. You celebrate the blessing of moving beyond it. You celebrate the mere fact that you are alive. You celebrate moving on with life.

Happy Celebrations!

Wow, I KNEW she was funny, but... good job!

2010-08-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

** Note: this is a very loose recollection and (having just watched it again, it's twice as funny as represented below).

So, EL 3atal happened to watch Saturday Night Live the night that Betty White was on. It was SO worth it. In particular, her skit with the census worker was funny to me on so many levels. I have not laughed that hard in forever.

If by any chance you missed it, you really have to check it out here. Truly it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Just to hook you in, let me introduce you. Tina Fey plays opposite Betty as the census worker. In the beginning of the skit, the census worker knocks on the door.

Betty: Hello, yes dear.

Fey: Hi, ma'am, I'm a census worker.

Betty: That's nice for you, dear (begins to close door).

Fey: You didn't return your census questionnaire, can I ask you a few questions.

Betty: Of course, dear.

Fey: Including you, how many adults live here?

Betty: None.

Fey: You don't live here?

Betty: Oh, including me? 3.

It goes on from there and gets better and better. Each time I thought they really couldn't take it up a notch, they did...

Well, I saw an article here today and discovered that she won an Emmy for the performance. It also seems to have re-kickstarted her career. Well, deserved I'm certain. Hope you enjoy!

Happy Census Humor!

Approaches to Life Seen In The Slip 'N Slide...

2010-07-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, for any of you who aren't familiar, the Slip 'N Slide (the picture above is the one we have by Wham-o and is excellent) is an amazing and wonderful invention. We had them when I was a kid and, while they have made incremental improvements in operation, they are fundamentally the same. They require very little skill, but some bravery. Watching the Beans do the Slip 'N Slide has been very interesting. On our maiden voyage, as it were, the Beans were 100% true to type.

JujuBean put her whole self into it - heart and soul. She hopped out across the end of the SNS and powered all the way to the end. Junior Bean tried hesitantly, stopped halfway then watched JujuBean and found his own style. ButterBean ran to the end of the SNS, came to a complete halt then sat and wondered why she didn't slide.

In life, ButterBean is the cautious (perhaps overcautious) one. JuniorBean us the watchful one. And JujuBean is the all-in all-the-time one. Fast forward to today. They've had several more Slip N' Slide sessions and today was the chance to demonstrate their skills for El 3atal. It was his first chance to do SNS with them. Since the first effort, ButterBean has developed a little more bravery about the SNS. It took some hand-holding (literally, I held her hand and ran with her to pull her down the slide), but she got there. So today, we had JujuBean who still goes 1000% and always end up off the end of the SNS. We have JuniorBean who enjoys trying new methods and paths. He seemed to have a alignment issue (he pulled to the right off the SNS just past halfway). And then we had ButterBean, who looked like a dainty little princess running along on her tippy-toes and then sitting up in a curled-leg position without mussing herself a bit. It was very cute. And it was simply a continuation of their approach to life. And, it's such fun to watch how they develop, grow, and learn.

Happy life-styles!

Crimes Against the State...

2010-07-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Another disgusting story is in the paper today. Another daughter slaughtered. Another sentence reduction because the victim's (and perpetrator's) father dropped charges. Will we ever learn? This crime is not a crime against one person. It is a crime against the state. Hear me again, this is a crime against all of Jordan, not one victim, one family, one person.

Back in my college years, MimiBean had an unsettling experience where an oversexed teenager from down the street broke into our home at night with a knife planning to abuse her. Through a bizarre set of circumstances, she surprised him coming into the house, delivered an ineffective, but apparently frightening, karate kick to the fellow out of surprise. She recognized him as a neighbor and immediately called the police. That evening she gave a statement. At no point was she asked if she would like to press charges or drop charges. She wasn't charging him, the state was. And did.

You see, the state recognizes that someone who has so little control as to attempt such a thing is not only a danger to the intended victim, but to all of society. How much more dangerous is someone who has proven that they have no respect for the sanctity of life? If you can take a life, the life of your SISTER, what can you not do? Is there any boundary you wouldn't cross? How can you draw a line after this? So, again I ask, what will it take for Jordan to wake up and protect all of its citizens, rather than murderers? I love my adopted home, but in this it is seriously wrong-minded and wrong hearted... Stop these crimes against the state. Make Jordan a safe place for ALL its citizens to live. And, by the way, while the fact that this latest victim was sexually untouched makes the case even more sad, frankly, in the state's protection of her and of society it shouldn't matter one whit, now should it?

Sad criminals...

Learning variations across class lines... rich vs. poor

2010-07-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

Many of you may have heard of a fellow named Malcolm Gladwell. He has written a series of books that, while not directly business books, have many things to say about doing business. Each of his books is excellent and I would highly recommend them all. All of his books share in common that they discuss human nature. Last night I lay in bed thinking about some of the concepts he presented in Outliers. This book seems to me to be the one that skyrocketed him into national (and international) stardom, as it were. This book struck a chord. And, interestingly, different people respond to different things in the book.

One of the concepts I found most interesting was the difference between poor children and middle and upper class children. He noted in the book that all of them cover the same topics during the school year. Each of them learns the same things. However each year the poor children seem to fall further and further behind. Gladwell attributes this to the approach of each class to summer vacation. Poor children are typically left to play and entertain themselves. They are often from homes with a single working parent (or none I suppose) and have limited opportunity to maintain or expand upon the knowledge that they gained during the school year.

By contrast, middle and upper class children often experience learning opportunities during the summer. I'm particularly interested in this topic since the Beans and I are vacationing in America this summer. And while it is, in every sense, a typical American summer, it is rife with opportunities for learning. For instance, this last weekend our small-town summer home had its annual "Homecoming". In honor of the day, we were swimming in learning opportunities. The particular focus was life in the 1860s when the town experienced a number of situations. The Beans had the opportunity to go on a covered wagon ride, visit a Confederate solider tent, and see a native American dance and living quarters. In addition, we've been to 2 art museums. We've also learned how to bowl and how to swim this summer.

We've continued practicing our reading in English and in Arabic (yep we even took part in the local library's summer reading program), but the focus has been strongly on experiential learning. So, I find myself wondering, in Gladwell's research, did he find that this kind of learning is as valuable? Does it have to be practice on the topics they learned in school or are they gaining just as much by learning in more interactive ways? Don't get me wrong, once we get home I'm certain that El 3atal and TetaBean will begin some intensive prep for the coming school year. But for me, I think this learning they've been doing is perhaps more necessary as it expands their horizons and reminds them that there is a world outside of Amman and even Jordan. It reminds them that some societies count their history in thousands of years and some in hundreds. Bottom-line, it reminds them that they are of two cultures, each important, each valuable, each beautiful. So, here's to intercultural learning!

Happy Summers!

What Vacations Do YOU Remember From Your Childhood?

2010-07-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

So, msn had a list today of the most memorable vacations for your kids... I'm thinking about what vacations I remember. What are the things that stick most in my mind... Care to share yours?

The funny thing is that most of my memories aren't about the places, they're about the people. One significant exception would be the tour of Italy and Greece when I was 13. remember parts of that very well. Here are the things I remember:

Horse Pens 40 (http://horsepens40.tripod.com/). This is where my mom taught us about camping, hiking through the woods and picking (and eating) fresh watercress, pickin' and grinnin' and other necessary things for all Southerners (right?).
Ruby Falls (http://www.rubyfalls.com/). This waterfall is distinctive as it is 145 feet tall, but is totally encapsulated in a mountain. That's right, this thing is underground. The trip to get there is really cool and features neat cave formations. In addition, there are billboards across Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee urging you to visit Ruby Falls.
Rock City (http://www.seerockcity.com/). Next door to Ruby Falls, this attraction also sports billboards (barns (over 900 of them in this campaign's heyday from Michigan to Texas), etc.) that urge you to See Rock City! This park has beautiful views and fun rock trails (Fat Man's Squeeze was always my favorite spot in the place).
Tallahassee, FL. Mom had a friend that moved there. Actually, to be specific I don't remember Tallahassee, I remember the trip there and back...
Clearwater, FL. Gorgeous beaches (at least pre-spill). You can go tot he end of a pier in 30 feet of water and it is as clear as standing on the shore. Literally, you think you could jump in and touch the bottom :).

Okay, I'm tired and that's all I've got for tonight. What are your favorite destinations? Any that you have or will be taking your kids?

Happy Road Trips!

A Promised Story for Friends... and an Invitation to Live Vicariously

2010-06-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a MommaBean and her three small Beans. Now this MommaBean recalled summers of old. Back in a time when America was still innocent and the days were lazy and wet. She longed for such simple times for her Beans. So, she packed up (or actually packed nothing because she was buying everything) and spent a LONG day on the airplane. She and the Beans and HelperBean made their way through troubles and turmoil all the way to the hot, sticky, humid, lovely South.

Now, on the day in question, MommaBean had been busy enjoying the summer with her Beans. They had been to swim lessons where the Beans practiced their front and back "shark arms", blowing bubbles, bobbing, an other necessary techniques. MommaBean encouraged and sweltered in the summer sun watching the Beans practice and improve. Then, they returned to find that their previous days' efforts had not been in vain.

You see, the Beans spent the previous afternoon on 40 acres of blueberry patch. They picked large, juicy, sweet fresh blueberries (3.5 gallons for those who are curious). They were hot and sweaty, but those berries tasted so good and the picking was as much fun as the blue stained mouths. And the reward, a dip in the cold pool, was worth the wait as well.

Returning to the present, the Beans returned home to find that MimiBean and HelperBean had been busy little bees in their absence. On the table was a cornucopia of summer foods, the like of which are really only available in near-rural communities. They had fresh-picked lady peas (kind of kin to the black eyed pea, second cousins or something I hear), fresh corn, sliced tomatoes, new potatoes, cherries, blueberries (of course), orange and yellow bell peppers, tiny local plums, green and red grapes... well, you get the picture. It was a world of fresh fruits and veggies, with a side of Southern-fried chicken. MommaBean started with the chicken, but left it for another day as the rest of the foods were calling to her. After all, chicken is always available, such a treasure of fruits and veggies is not.

Now, after this feast was finished and everyone had stuffed themselves, MimiBean brought out the final surprise. She and HelperBean had decided to take some of those lovely blueberries and make a confection - nay a taste sensation - unrivaled in the Western World. She made a blueberry pie. She boldly served it ala mode and it was good. I mean REALLY good. Worth the pint of blueberries (retail price $9 in Jordan) that she used to make it. And, in true Southern fashion, everyone at the table found a tiny bit more space to pack that pie into... ;).

And after such wonderful bounty, no naps were taken. MommaBean was considering a nap when suddenly the pitter-patter of rain began. Then the rat-a-tat of a full fledged rain came. Finally, it turned into the flood and bang of a torrential downpour. And MommaBean did what all good Southerners do, she went onto the porch to commune with the beuaty that God had made. She sat and read a story about romance while listening to the beautiful sound of rain coming down and seeing the steam rush off the pavement as the cooling shower drew the heat off the hot road. And she listened very hard to hear the sighs of the plants soaking up the day's rain knowing that tomorrow there will be more and for today this is enough. And then, as suddenly as the peace of the day had begun, she heard tap-tap-tap on the window and left the place of peace and solitude to arbitrate a little Bean dispute. And, in similar fashion, as suddenly as it began, heaven turned off the faucet and the rain stopped. And the day went back on to being exactly what it was... a perfect simple, lovely summer day. A summer day in small-town America where you can walk to the community library, go to a farmer's market at City Hall, ride a pony, and be treated with open friendliness everywhere you go.

And, boys and girls, that ends today's story. We hope that you have enjoyed this commercial-free presentation of the Beans abroad. Join us next week when we'll talk about...

Happy Stories!

Does there come a time when parents have to actually, well, parent?

2010-06-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, granted the US is an astonishingly litigious society. Lawsuits are filed at the drop of a hat. But I read today here that a consumer protection group is planning to sue McDonald's. Being honest here, I can think of many reasons to sue McDonald's. But this rings a bit off to me. The Center for Science in the Public Interest is threatening to sue because McDonald's offers toys in their Happy Meals. Really? Toys? They claim that McDonald's makes "parents' jobs nearly impossible."

I have to say, if you are such a lightweight that you can't say no to McDonald's, maybe it's the parents who should be scrutinized. McDonald's is a fixture of American lives. It is the home of apple pie on the go and is, thus, as American as apple pie. I grew up on McDonald's. And yet, it isn't by accident that JuniorBean's first experience at McDonald's was a birthday party at age 5. ButterBean's first was a birthday party at age 6. As a sometime treat, I have no issue with McDonald's. But, I don't raise my kids on it. And that is my choice, as a parent.

However, to liken McDonald's to a pedophile because they include toys with a meal that is fundamentally unhealthy is WAY over the top. Ironically, they actually make it easier in the US since they offer juice and apples to be substituted for fries and a Coke. For me, Jordan is harder because I'm always struggling to find juice or even water rather than sugary colas.

What offends me here is the idea that your parenting choices should dictate what's available to my child. Teach your children your expectations, be firm, and then let go a little bit. Good gracious. I mean the parents who complain that the kindergarten serves cucumbers and watermelon are failing, in my mind. If you don't want your child to have cucumbers or watermelon, then teach them that. Set the expectation and be firm and consistent.

The Beans don't drink Coke. Period. At a birthday party where ALL of their friends were happily popping tops and drinking, both of the Twin Beans separately came to me and alerted me to the fact that the can of Coke was all that was available for them to drink. They each asked for water. We didn't make a huge deal about it. I didn't go and berate the hostess for serving sugary junk to my kids. I didn't even mention it, I simply got the kids some water and let them go on with their lives. In this instance, three or so other parents followed my lead. But really, we were all following my kids' lead. They came out of the party room to the parent's table to ask for water. So, does any parent really believe you can't teach them? Really? Well, then, perhaps it's not really that important to you...

Happy junk food!

The Things You Don't EXPECT To Be Surprised By...

2010-06-20T19:05:00.001-07:00

Being in the US is interesting. We've had a long hiatus between visits this time. It's been 3 years, which clearly was enough time for me to think of Jordan as normal. I have been intrigued by the things that have been surprising me...

Toilets have ALOT of water in them... I'm a little concerned that they'll overflow before they finish flushing even though they are perfectly normal.
People are SO friendly. I've been spending alot of time in Wal-Marts. Now, for those who aren't aware, Wal-Mart employees are not paid particularly well. These are working-class folks who have hard jobs with little reward. And, even so, out of 10 people I've come into contact with only 1 has been less than effusively nice. Interestingly, they bring out the nice in me. Don't get me wrong, in Jordan, I start of nice with a smile and all. But the reception is usually so dour that I give up quickly. Here a little smile and I'm bowled over with niceness and Have a Nice Days. I have to admit, I missed that.
Pumping your own gas is a pain. I'd forgotten how much I hated it. On the upside, I don't have to worry about anyone trying to cheat me and the check-out girl at the gas station was extra-nice, but... it's still a pain for we spoiled full-service aficionados.
With the exception of #3, everything is just SO much easier. Really, I know this, but I'm not sure I know this... know what I mean. I've gotten oodles of shopping done and haven't gone beyond Wal-Mart yet. Where else can you get affordable clothing (don't ask me about my $3 tops for the girlBeans), groceries, and home improvement supplies all in one place?I missed the Wal-Mart...!
Vegetables are crazy expensive. You get so used to buying four pound of cucumbers for 1JD that it's hard to imagine that 1 JD will only buy a cucumber and a half... MemeBean has taken to buying all local vegetable stand produce, which is cheaper and tastier.
Arby's Jamocha Shake is the BOMB! Literally, it is SO good... And the Beans have decide Arby's rocks too, so MommaBean is happy. Now we just have to find time to go again.

I'm forgetting something I had for this list, but I'll add it later when I remember. Anyone else want to play?

Happy Surprises!

Man Without a Country? Muslims Second-Class Citizens?

2010-06-17T08:29:00.001-07:00

I was reading an article here that chronicles the situation currently faced by an American-born young man. Because he went to study in Yemen, he has gotten caught up on the US's no-fly list. While I'm sensitive to the US's need to protect its airspace, denying an American-born citizen with no other country and no other passport passage home is unconscionable.

The young man is stuck staying in a $16 a night hotel in Cairo. He is stuck eating American fast food chains for every meal. This beneficence is paid for courtesy of the US embassy, bu will have to be repaid. Apparently the embassy never bothered watching Morgan Spurlock's Supersize Me. I wonder if this man will be able to claim compensation for the health damage all this fast food is doing to his system? But seriously, a $16 a night hotel? I can imagine exactly what this hotel must be like. And how frustrating this must be... Given the world's flying-focused nature, how is this fellow supposed to get home? I guess he might be able to fly to Canada and then drive across the border?

Now, frankly his mother was either naive or foolish when she sent her sons to study in Yemen, but simply being there doesn't mean this fellow is a terrorist. The US government should have an obligation to give this young man a hearing, present evidence which can be refuted, and then get him off the list. And, this should be at their expense, not his. The mere idea that he will have to pay back monies spent on essentially being held hostage in another country is beyond belief. Is his real crime that he is Muslim at a time when it is not politically correct to be one? Somehow the American government, which seems to believe that it is capable to determining who terrorists are, needs to figure out a way to not infringe on the rights of citizens (and non-citizens). Fighting a ghost is a battle that can never be won, somehow we need to either find the real enemy or accept that the real enemy is unlikely to be vanquished and we aren't willing to give up all of our rights and just to beat him... At least, that's my 2 cents.

Happy Hostages!

Hot, Hazy Days... Community Pool... Typical American Summer Here We Come!

2010-06-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, let's call this a happy travels post. Our bags are checked in at the 7th circle. Our carry-on are getting sorted out. In short, the bean family (minus El 3atal) is ready to go! MemeBean, here we come! 2.5 months in small-town America here we come! Here's the Bean family agenda for the summer in the US:

Swim lessons at the community pool
Music lessons
Choir Camp
Riding Lessons (if MommaBean can convince El 3atal)
Arabic reading sessions
Hide and Seek in the backyard
Books from the library across the street
Disney World
Relaxation
Rest

MommaBean wishes you a summer as lovely and low-key as ours is sure to be... I hope to be posting thoughts and experiences, but in case... have a great holiday.

Happy travels!

A Little Closer Now - SLAP: On how to take care of yourself on the streets of Amman

2010-06-10T01:26:00.000-07:00

So, I'm overdue on the post I promised on ideas and behaviors that Western women should leave in the west. Well, I got an excellent reminder today in form of a post by Shalabieh. This is a must read for all women in Jordan. Shalabieh is a local gal who has transformed herself from denial to empowerment in the face of harassment by men. And, it gives rise to the post I wanted to write about we Western women and our politeness...

We have a friend who comments on blogs who came for a visit to Jordan with her mom. Like me, she is blond and obviously American. They were on a visit downtown looking at the shops and such when a man touched her bottom. In her very American way she huffed at him in a very offended tone. Yes, that's right, she huffed at him. Well, he took her lack of response as an invitation and turned around to come back fro another swipe. The second time he pinched her.

Recently I posted about the experience that I had near Wild Jordan Cafe with El 3atal's cousin from Sweden. Some young government school hooligan in a pack of friends touched her hair. Now, for Westerners, it's a bit creepy, but not a big deal exactly. But here, I take it as a very big deal. I shouted like a London fish-wife at the fellow and his compatriots. And, then I gave a lecture to El 3atal's cousin. And, I'm going to give you the highlights of my advice.

When confronted with harassment, here's the MommaBean recommended approach. Shalabieh talks about the first step as well.

Shame and embarrass the offender by shouting, loudly, about what he is doing. If you don't speak Arabic, shout in English. If you speak even broken Arabic, use it. And, have the word 3ayb be the first thing that comes to mind and lips. This is like haram but worse. You need to make it clear that you are angry and offended. Really. And do this when you are being stared at or if someone dares to touch you and then gets far enough that you can't whack them.
If close enough and you are touched, whack them. Really, reach out and hit them. Slaps in every language mean the same thing. If they are uncouth enough to touch you, hit them.

This is my two step recommendation. Our Western sense that we shouldn't "make a scene" is dead wrong here. We need to make scenes. We need to make them ashamed of the behavior. Call them on it. As I had to with the shabab that were bothering us near Wild Jordan. I shouted at them and called them animals because they clearly weren't behaving like people. They took it as funny. But, it was that embarrassed kind of laughter. And, I suspect on day 2 when El 3atal yelled at a couple of them, they thought it was less funny. Given their scurrying dash away after being called to task for ogling, they weren't laughing at all.

You will find that there are two distinct groups here. Ones who will be offended by these stories and ones who will imply that it is somehow your fault. You know, by not covering your hair or by walking on the street without a man, or by some other means you brought this on yourself. As I mentioned in my post about SwedeBean, the same boys who bothered us went up four blocks and harassed a group of ladies in hijab and jilbab. When people who explain away the behavior as being somehow understandable because of the actions of they victim, they are saying the behavior is alright. This is what we have to fight against. This is what mothers must teach their sons AND daughters. It is NEVER okay. Never. Because, if it is okay for your son to harass a woman who is not veiled on the streets of Amman, then it is also okay for a young man to harass a covered Muslim on the streets of London. And, simply, it is NEVER okay... *~coming down off my high horse now. ~*

Oh, and before I go too far. While there are far too many men who display this behavior (I encounter one ogling or cat calling a day it seems), it is not all men. Many men are respectful and perfectly behaved. However, it is necessary to protect yourself, ensure that you use your voice, and know that others are also doing the same. As we all continue to make it clear that the behavior is unacceptable, the message will get through. I truly believe it. We've got a ways to go, but we're going...

Happy Western Sensibilities!

Yawn: Let's Put Jordan to Sleep!

2010-06-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

Today I'm talking about one of those subjects no one talks about, or thinks about from what I can tell. Let's talk about sleep, hunh? And not just any sleep, children's sleep. It's a topic I take a lot of flak on, here in Jordan. Starting from the day we moved, I stood out like a sore thumb. Much to people's surprise and amazement, the Beans all sleep between 7 and 7:30. Every day. Yes, even on weekends, they're in bed by 7:30. Oh, and yes even in the summer they're in bed by 7:30. Mean MommaBean makes no exceptions.

During the first two years we lived here, I must have been told at least 20 times that I put my kids to bed "rather early". It was always said in this kind of awed and disbelieving voice. Like 7 pm bed times are so outside the norm that I'm almost an alien in my strangeness. And, I'm okay with that. After all, I have three well-rested, generally well-behaved kids. What do I have to complain about?

So, today I got a message from BabyCenter, an excellent resource for parents, both new and experienced. Today's information was on sleep. Although the Beans sleep very well, I read it for two reasons. First, I wanted to see where the Beans fall as far as amount of sleep needed at their new ages. Second, I wondered if they'd have any advice that might help JujuBean get to sleep quicker. Unfortunately she takes after me. The other Beans take after El 3atal. Their heads hit the pillow and they are asleep. JujuBean is like me. She generally takes about 25-30 minutes to fall asleep at night. I remember those days of agony. They lasted until I had kids. So, goal one was definitely satisfied. I'm dropping in BabyCenter's chart so that you other parents will know how much sleep your kids need. This is their information, not mine and I appreciate that they make it available.

Data from Babycenter.com.

Age Nighttime sleep Daytime sleep Average total sleep
2 years 10.5 to 12.5 hours 1 to 3 hours (1 nap) 11.5 to 15.5 hours
3 years 10.5 to 12.5 hours 1 to 3 hours (1 nap) 11 to 14 hours
4 years 10 to 12 hours 0 to 2.5 hours (1 or no nap) 10 to 13 hours
5 years 10 to 12 hours 0 to 2.5 hours (1 or no nap) 10 to 12.5 hours
6 years 10 to 11.5 hours none 10 to 11.5 hours
7 years 9.5 to 11.5 hours none 9.5 to 11.5 hours
8 years 9.5 to 11.5 hours none 9.5 to 11.5 hours

• Note: The two sets of numbers don't always add up because children who take longer naps tend to sleep fewer hours at night, and vice versa.

Imagine, 6 year olds need 10 to 11.5 hours of sleep a night. So, that means that the TwinBeans, who have to get up at 6:15 to eat breakfast before school, need to be in bed between 7 and 8. And even ButterBean needs to be in between between 7:30 and 8. So, our continued timing is good. Unfortunately, JujuBean needs more sleep. Since she has trouble falling asleep, she almost always had to be woken for school. ButterBean and JuniorBean are up and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. JujuBean drags and looks tired in the mornings. She makes it, but it's tough for her and she eats faster and sleeps a tad later than the others.

Tiredness like that is a symptom that the child isn't getting enough sleep. Other symptoms include behavioral problems... I've seen a few of those here. Okay, I've seen voluminous numbers of those in Jordan. Which comes as little surprise as I also routinely see kids out with mom and dad at 11:30pm.

There are actually a number of symptoms of sleep-deprivation in kids (which are different than in adults). They include:

Frequent loss of temper
Grumpy mornings
Moodiness and irritability
Overactivity and hyper-activity
Frequent and short daytime naps.

But, why does it matter? Well, the impact of sleep deprivation is significant. Your body needs sleep in the same way it does food and water. Lack of sleep causes:

Short attention span
Poor memory skills
Poor judgment
Poor concentration
Growth issues (did you know that your kids grow at night?)

So, really do parents intend to do these things to their kids? I expect not. I think most have no idea of the impact of this sleep deprivation on their kids. Culturally, kids awake late at night is fine. So, many parents simply aren't aware of the damage they may be doing. They also are increasing their kids' likelihood of developing diabetes and heart disease.

BabyCenter also address some of those persistent myths that just won't go away (like the age-old tired, my baby won't sleep at night if he naps...). This is a must-read for everyone: 7 Sleep Myths .

So, I say, let's put Jordan to sleep. Night night Jordan...

Happy Dreams!

The Promise of Summer and other things I love...

2010-06-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

So, my dear friend almondjoycie tagged me. She did it very stealthily. Literally, it was like a whisper. You'll see that stealth tag when you read her poem. Me, I'm not a poet (not by any stretch of the imagination), so I'll stick to prose for my list, thank you very much. Basically, the tag is to list ten things you love.

I love the last day of school, the hints of sadness at not seeing loved ones for a long time, the sense of freedom of less structured and disciplined schedules, the unfettered joy of time off and time just being.

I love gentle breezy days after weeks of searing heat. They remind you to breathe, to take it in, to smell the flowers. They remind you to give thanks for the breeze and the sun and life.

I love the joy of a long hot bath, the kind where you sit until your fingers and toes are prunes and your face is flushed from the heat of the tub. The type where, if you weren't in a water-starved country you'd refill the water, add a bath bead or salts and soak for another hour - just because you can.

I love spending time with friends, new ones and old ones alike. I love learning about them, what makes them tick, what fun experiences have stuck with them most, who are they and where are they coming from.

I love lazy summer afternoons spent putting together puzzles and watching movies while munching popcorn.

I love the drama and tears that remind us to slow down, set aside place to be and people to see. Those tears that remind us that our little ones are the most important thing and, even if we don't make that barbecue we'll have fun and be happy.

I love curling up with a good book. Getting so involved in the story between the pages that nothing can tear you away. Staying awake until all hours and then having your eyes jump open early just so you can finish the story.

I love listening to the laughs and shouts of joy that punctuate the screeches and cries of little ones with too much time on their hands and too little direction.

I love the promise of the beginning of summer, that time before the boredom of sameness sets in when the whole world is open to you. You are still caught up in your imaginings of what you will do, lazy days by the pool, playing hide and seek in the yard, jumping in rain puddles, finding new adventures everyday. That moment of promise.

I love that life doesn't turn out like you expect or imagine. I love that everything that you've imagined ends up not being half as fascinating, as moving, as rewarding as what actually greets you. I love that God is not limited by MY imagination...

Happy love!

Watching the Death of Creativity... Sigh

2010-06-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

The ways that Jordan's schooling kills creativity are insidious. Mind you, I have the Beans at a school that is miles ahead of most. ButterBean has learned to express herself through drama and art. She's created plays in the classroom to illustrate their science chapter on recycling. In short, they've found lots of ways to ensure creativity is in the classroom. And yet, in preparing for the exam session we've just finished (finally!), I saw the death of creativity, at least a small one, for her in the Arabic language. It honestly made me want to cry - for her and for Jordan...

In studying for her Arabic exam, one of last chapters had a story about "My trip to the Queen Alia International Airport." Mind you, they didn't actually TAKE them to the airport, they just read about it. But on the exam, they had to write a paragraph about it. ButterBean was in tears because she knew there was a right answer, but wasn't sure what it is. I tried to get her to make up a story using her imagination. She was adamant that it wouldn't do. She knows there's a right answer.

But, how could there be a right answer? Why should there be a right answer? If ever there was a place to ensure creativity is in the curriculum, isn't it when writing a story? Shouldn't the book be a guide, a jumping off point, a way to spur thought? Apparently not, and my heart cries for ButterBean's loss. And for our loss as a nation, where we believe that in the most creative of subjects there could ever be a "right" answer. In English, ButterBean still has unlimited creativity and unbridled story-telling skills. But, in Arabic... well, I expect she won't be another Najib Mahfouz or Khalil Gibran. I only hope that somewhere out there someone will.

Happy creativity!

Given those hurt, Israel clearly wants on-going strife

2010-05-30T23:33:00.001-07:00

For those who may not have heard, Israel fired on and boarded the six ship aid flotilla attempting to reach Gaza strip today. While the US sleeps, Israel continues its inhumane and inhuman behavior. I read an article this morning here about the situation. In reading the article and the statements by Israeli officials, one thing has become clear. The people that Israel wants to hurt are the ones who want peace. The moderate voices are the ones who are being marginalized and harmed by the continued blockade on humanitarian and building supplies.

Many of you likely remember the shelling early last year that left homes, schools, and hospitals destroyed. And, who was it that was shelling again? Oh, right... it was the Israeli military. The same people who refuse to let concrete come in caused the dire need in the first place. And, who is hurt by such a ban? Is Hamas the primary injured party here?

The article talks about the supply tunnels that were such a key issue for the Israelis. It reminds us that food and other smuggled items are reaching Gaza through them. So, Now I ask you to ponder a question. Who benefits from the smuggling? Stay with me, here, Hamas has control over Gaza. Hamas controls the tunnels and the smuggled goods. So, how many Christian families (and yes, there are some) do you think receive that aid? How many Fatah supporters are getting food and supplies? Hamas will definitely take care of its own, when it comes to food, medicine, and supplies.

So, as you see, the people being devastated by the continuing blockade and inhumane treatment are those voices that aren't with Hamas. The potential peacemakers are thrown into ever greater poverty. The pressure will continue, and many will likely bow to the tide and join the ranks of Hamas supporters. And, who does that hurt? Apparently no one, since clearly Israel wants continued strife and fighting. Unfortunately, those marginalized people demonstrate once again that Israel has no interest in peace.

And, how sad is it that one of those on the flotilla is a holocaust survivor? I would hope, when confronted someone like this, you would be able to see the plank in your eye. When you feel like this is the only way to draw attention to the wrong actions of your own people, how devastating when violence is their response? As for me, my prayers are with those who have died, those who are injured, and those who continue to wait and hope for someone outside to hear their cries, their pleas, their need. Oh, and I pray for the Israeli people. I pray that God will open their eyes to the evil that they are perpetrating - each with their silence - and their hearts to the harm that they are doing. I pray that God will be merciful and just and move them to become human once again...

Sad confrontations...

Got Milk? And a Non Apology from MommaBean, Teehee

2010-05-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

Alright, so if I had been at ALL consistent about blogging I'd be apologizing for not blogging while I've been away. But, those hearty followers who still know I exist know that I've been lackluster (and that's being nice to myself) with my blog posting lately. But today I saw an interesting article that got my fingers itching to blog... And thus begins Got Milk?

There's an article in Bloomberg Businessweek Magazine (yeah I'd never heard of it either) talking about women pumping milk at work for their babies. As a time-tested veteran of the practice, I had to see what the fuss was all about. The article, titled Lactation: the mother of all office dramas was interesting. Many of you may not be aware that in March, President Obama passed an act requiring employers to provide "breastfeeding employees with "reasonable break time" and a private place — not the ladies' room — to express breast milk during the workday until a child's first birthday." Now, I was lucky. I worked in an office and had my own office. As a manager, I had a veritable cube field outside my office, but I had a door that closed. Since the walls were odd and a window was shared with the office next door, I can't be sure I didn't drive my neighbors crazy with the pump sound, but... The article recounts stories of women having their hours cut and being outright fired for taking breaks that are too long or bringing in nurse's notes stating that they need to pump.

And, therein lies the rub. We want the health benefits that come from breastfeeding, for both Mom and baby. But, few employers want to make much effort. The article also recounts the stories of women who were pumping and had someone walk in on them. It sounds like an urban myth, doesn't it. But, I had it happen to me once. I borrowed the office of a salesman that was out for the day on sales calls, put a note on the door asking people to stay out as I was pumping, and still got walked in on. By the salesman. Who hadn't read the note. He was by far more embarrassed than I was because I was fully covered. I found it rather funny. He had a hard time meeting my eye for a month or more after.

Something I guess people who have never expressed milk for the baby likely don't realize (and certainly the men who tend to make the rules don't) is that it isn't an easy path to take. It requires dedication, willingness, and persistence. I suspect a dash of sheer, downright, orneriness is probably well placed as well (teehee). Getting the milk to come out well requires quiet, calm, restful relaxation. Now, can you imagine a woman perched on the toilet in a public restroom finding those things? Neither can I. Now, imagine them in that same awful position for months on end. As I said, I was lucky. I had a nice, quiet place to pump. I bought clothes that made discreet pumping possible so I wouldn't feel exposed and tools to make it hands-free. I was actually able to go right on working while I pumped the milk every 2-3 hours. And, I was able to continue doing it for the first year after the twins were born. And, it's a gift that I am thankful for every single day. By the end of that year, I couldn't wait to be done. I felt like mooing constantly. But, my kids got the best food they possibly could have.

So, I give my applause to Obama for requiring employers to provide similar conditions. In the US, we take little enough care of our working women. The company I worked for during my year of pumping did not offer paid maternity leave. As a result, 4 weeks after giving birth, I was back in the office. At least this is one protection that is now offered all working women. And, it helps the employer with healthier kids, less time off work for mom, and other benefits.

I do wish that more people in Jordan would catch on to how important breastfeeding is. I'd love to see scores of women with the briefcase-like pump on their way to work. The state of breastfeeding and the misinformation available at even the best hospitals saddens me. It denies those who really can't afford formula another, healthier, better, cheaper option. And, it denies those moms the chance to at least try to reap the personal health and baby-bonding benefits. Wake up, Jordan. Get on the nursing bandwagon. It will do the country good.

Happy Dairy!

Back off before I take your hand off: why respect must be universal, not limited to those like us

2010-05-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

I'm reposting this because JordanBlogs did something funny and gave it the same name as another totally unrelated post... :)

So, for the first time in the four years we've been here, I had what I would consider a fairly serious problem last week. SwedeBean and I went out to lunch in a very touristy, historic part of Amman. While on our way walking from the main street to the restaurant, we passed a pack of wild school boys. They were in the 12-14 year old age range. They were on the other side of the narrow street and I ignored them. Suddenly I realize that SwedeBean is very upset. it seems one of these young hoodlums decided to touch her hair. Yes, he actually laid his hands on her.

Haram, 3ayb - no, you know what - 3aar (this is the highest form of shame in the Arabic language). At this point, I begin shouting at them like a London fish wife. I scream that they better get out of my sight quickly and that they are clearly a pack of wild animals. They seem to find my Arabic at once funny and "move-along-ish" enough to get moving. At lunch, I went over the don't be polite, make a scene speech with SwedeBean. While we had spoken about this before, I took it as a learning opportunity here again. I explained that this young man placing his hands on her was a violation. Should something like it ever happen again, she should hit him... as hard as she can. And scream, frankly. We Westerners, our politeness can contribute rather than teaching the necessary lesson.

I related the incident the next day to El 3atal. About the time I finished telling him, we came upon another (or maybe the same pack) of fellows. El 3atal saw that they were ogling me obviously. At this point, he went and shouted at them and basically told them to keep their eyes (and nasty minds I'm sure) to themselves. A few minutes later, we chanced to see the exact same group of boys passing a gaggle of fully veiled, jilbab wearing ladies. They were not only ogling, but also cat-calling these ladies. And herein lies the fallacy of thought that I've observed since living here...

If men are not taught that EVERY woman, no matter how little she may resemble her in thought, word, and deed is your mother and your sister and deserves your respect, they fail to learn to respect any of them. Every time that a man fails to reprimand his son for failing to observe HIS call to modesty and lowering HIS eyes when seeing a woman, he sets his son up to ogle. Each time a mother fails to point out to her son that his poor treatment of strange women is what he should expect for her, she loses an opportunity to instill the proper values in him. As long as people think, oh she's just a foreigner, or a kafir, or a niqabi, we will fail to raise our children to treat all with respect equally.

When the Beans ask me about women who wear a head scarf (or a niqab), I take this as a learning opportunity. The values I want them to learn are openness, respect for people of all faiths, and a knowledge that how I treat others is how I should expect to be treated. I explain to to them that wearing the head scarf is an expression of her faith and is something to be respected. It is not something we EVER make fun of. Just as we don't make fun of people who are different from us in other ways, be it skin color, physical deformity, or whatever. I understand that the human mind tends to understand very simple concepts and the treatment we allow for one group will find its way into others. Sadly, showing signs of godliness doesn't mean having a heart for God. So, one of my jobs is to help remind the Beans that it is about action, not just words. After all, our actions ARE our words to the world, now aren't they?

Happy Harassment... (sigh)

You Know Parking is Bad When...

2010-05-03T05:03:00.000-07:00

you pass by an 3azza and they're doing valet parking... For those who don't know, when someone here dies, in addition to the funeral the family has 3 days of visitation where people can come to pay condolences. This is often done in a hall outside of the home. However, some folks will set up a bit of a tent city and hold their 3azza there. They often feed the people who come and what not.

So, last week, for three days, we had an 3azza set of on a corner lot near our house. I was struck by the sheer funniness of the fact that this 3azza had valet parking. Now, valet parking at a grocery store is unexpected, but valet parking while paying condolences seems to be a bit on the actually bizarre side. But maybe that's just me.

Happy valet parking!

But, mommy, she INVITED me to bite her!

2010-04-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had a unique bout of tattling and whining to face. TetaBean was visiting after having helped ButterBean with her homework bil 3arabi. Suddenly, ButterBean comes in whining that JuniorBean bit her. Hitting, totally expected, biting, not normal. So, I call JuniorBean in and express to him that he knows biting is not acceptable in our house. He explains, but Mommy, she invited me to bite her!

When asked ButterBean says "No, I didn't." Stern look from Mommy. "Okay, I did, but I didn't mean it!"

At which point, Mommy instructed ButterBean not to issue such invitations unless she expected to be taken up on them and JuniorBean not to bite, even if invited.

Only in a world of Beans...

Happy bites!

Letting Go of Things... But Keeping the Memories

2010-04-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

So, I'm a rather avid watcher of the Style Network show, Clean House. This comes, I think, from a morbid fascination with hoarders. You know, those people who save things that most of us think are useless or worthless. Even the things that are useful are often more cheaply purchased again. So, now you're wondering what the intrigue is about hoarders. Well, I have to say Mimi is a bit of a hoarder. Not saves-bits-of-old-food-and-newspapers hoarding, more like saves-furniture-that-is-unneeded-and-every-book-ever-purchased.

So, at times, Mimi's House has had a Clean House "before" feel to it. Not always, but occasionally. So, these shows are a bit inspirational. One of the very interesting things that comes out in every episode is that often people are saving things that they admit they never use and WILL never use, but they have an "emotional" attachment to them. Last night was the episode of woman whose daughter called in Clean House. Her place was frightening in the level of disorganization and clutter. But more striking was the fact that everything her husband held dear was still in the house... 10 years after his death. Like most of the families, she felt like getting rid of the things, the physical manifestations of his life was getting rid of HIM and her memories of him.

I've been facing my own, getting-rid-of-memories dilemma lately. When we moved, we brought all of the Bean clothes with us. Yep, we brought baby clothes with us. We weren't sure what needs we might have and maybe 3ammoBean. I've been really hesitant to get rid of ANY of the clothes. I had large bins full of baby clothes that I don't really need. But, I told myself, if we had another baby we couldn't buy high-quality clothes like these. Sorry Jordan, but your things fall short when it comes to value for money. Nice things cost a premium and there's no Carter's outlet here. So, I've been hoarding baby clothes.

Well, the Egyptian guard at our church just had a baby girl, 8 years after his youngest of two boys. As they live in a one-room home, I guessed they likely had stored very little and definitely can afford very little. So, last night, I went through the baby Bean clothes to see what we have. As I opened that box, I was a bit teary-eyed remembering how cute each of the outfits looked first on ButterBean and then on JujuBean. Each item clothing has a fond memory of one, or both, of my Beanie babies. But, I had to embrace the wisdom that Clean House is so good at imparting - getting rid of the stuff doesn't mean getting rid of the memories.

So today at the Bean household, we're fully intact with memories, but significantly lighter on stuff. And, while I felt a twinge (yeah a really big one) while letting go, once the band-aid was ripped off, it felt immeasurably better...

Happy memories!

The Curse of the Multi-Language Family

2010-04-19T02:21:00.000-07:00

So, I met a lovely lady recently whom I have known on-line for about 6 months but had not previously met in real life. We were chatting and she mentioned this "unusual" problem she was having with her son. It is not, however, an unusual problem at all. Her problem is that her son, who was raised for art of his upbringing in the US and then moved here has a challenge. His Arabic skills are not terribly good. No that isn't the problem. The problem is that his English is heavily accented and perhaps not as strong as she would like. I was able to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that this problem isn't unusual at all.

Now, in some ways I'm blessed. The Beans' English skills are at age level, their accent is impeccable (unless speaking to their Arabic-speaking classmates), and their vocab is excellent. That's the blessing. However, Arabic is a struggle. While we live in a place where Arabic is the community language, our little home-community language is still English. So the kids, whose Arabic is improving dramatically, are still behind. And this highlights the two scenarios that I've seen...

First you have families like ours who retain English in all ways and struggle with Arabic. Then I see alot of families who get very good Arabic skills, but their English suffers. At times, it feels like true bilingualism is a myth. I know it isn't, but sometimes it feels like it is. Very few families seem to be truly able to make it work. Which brings me back to my new friend. Part of me wonders if her approach isn't why the English is slipping.

Let me explain, the Beans (as mentioned above) tend to speak to their friends who are native Arabic speakers in heavily accented English. Basically, they sound just like their friends. Their grammar is still correct, but their accent is very pronounced. Each and every time, I correct them. I'm that mean Mom you see out in the world. When my kids start speaking with an accent, I stop them and make them repeat whatever they wee saying properly. I also remind them that their friends will be better helped if they work with them on gaining a better accent instead. These days I don't even have to tell them what they're doing wrong. I simply say "accent please" and they repeat whatever they had just said properly.

I only wish that Arabic were so easy to fix. I have started trying to let them hear me trying to speak Arabic more. I figure if they know that Mommy is trying, they are more likely to. I figure modeling good behavior is always a plus, right? At any rate, I think this oft-experienced problem is very interesting. Anyone else with thoughts on it?

Happy Duality!

Strolling Through the Aisles of An American Pharmacy... in Amman?

2010-03-29T13:58:00.001-07:00

So, CousinBean has been hit with the inevitable minor case of fluidity. As it was 11:00 at night when she let us know, we headed over to our neighborhood pharmacy. It was, as expected, closed. El 3atal heard, during a meeting today, about Pharmacy 1's newest location. It is on Mecca Street across from Hamley's right at the walking bridge. It was billed as the largest pharmacy in town (not something that impresses me) and the first one to separate the pharmacy from the convenience style store (something that could impress me). We figured we might as well check it out. It was well worth the trip.

The store was brightly lit, well organized, and clean. The staff were polite and helpful. Really, I have only nice things to say about it (well, they could post their hours of operation, but...). They have well marked products, signs to show you what is on each aisle. In fact, given that the aisles are low enough to see over leaving the store looking bright and open, I think it surpasses your average Walgreen's or CVS. They have good product selection and even, gasp, have vitamins for kids that are chewable but not gummy. All in all, I was pleased. Oh, and until the new bank next door opens, there is plentiful parking directly in front. I highly recommend the experience. If you're craving a stroll down the aisles of a store that makes you feel like you're in the US, check it out...

Happy strolling!

Is Merit Based Thinking Doomed When Teachers Think Like This?

2010-03-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

I was reading in the Jordan Times yesterday and today about the teachers who are striking in the Southern (and now Central and Northern) governorates. I find this topic interesting. I don't actually have any issue with the teachers striking, after all US teachers have unions which end up going on strike upon occasion in various locations. Sadly, it is the children who are harmed, but teachers need a voice. If unions are unconstitutional, then the government needs to find a way to give such a significant segment of society a voice.

But what seriously, seriously troubled me about this strike is the fact that the demands are:

calling for the resignation of Minister of Education Ibrahim Badran, in addition to higher allowances, guaranteed university seats for their children and the right to establish a professional association.

Frankly, these guys need to get over an insensitive comment made by Ibrahim Badran. Yeah, it was not well thought out. So, grow up and get over it. As for higher allowances and the right to establish a professional association, well I see no huge issue here. I presume allowances means compensation (either through salary or some other form). I can't speak to whether they make enough, but generally in most places public school teachers are undercompensated for the difficulty of their work.

It's that one nagging demand that truly troubles me. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, they want guaranteed university seats for their kids. Is it possible that someone with this thought process is assigning grades in their classes based on performance and merit? Or is it that they only see an exception for their children? After all, surely their children have an added leg up on all those who attend schools and don't have a teacher at home, right? So they shouldn't need some sort of special wasta to guarantee their slot at university. They should be able to make it on merit, right? The idea that the people responsible for teaching in public schools are blatantly calling for wasta troubles me greatly. After all, if they're teaching kids that this is appropriate behavior, how are we EVER going to combat it?

Happy learning!

Life in Technicolor? A World of Possibilities

2010-03-23T08:14:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking rather alot lately about differing expectations in the context of the TwinBean's kindergarten experience. Obviously, I come from a very different educational experience than the typical Jordanian education. That's not to say it's better, but it definitely values very different things. In the US, we tend to value things like creativity, critical reasoning, and application of knowledge. In Jordan (British system I think), they tend to value memorizing, giving back the right answer, and carrying around lots of facts. Now, I think, in life, one of these tends to make a personal more adaptable, but that's an understandable bias.

Recently we have had a bit of a hoopla at the Bean's kindergarten from some parents who are less than thrilled. In their estimation, the KG is not "academic" enough. The kids are 4 and 5. Of COURSE it isn't focused on academics. It's focused on learning through play, experiencing things through sight, smell, touch, feel, etc. Actually, I wish once they hit elementary they were more focused on experiential learning, but that's a different thing altogether.

In this conversation that has been occurring, one of the Moms expressed how unhappy she was that the materials that they use to teach letters is done in black and white. Apparently, she thinks the kids would respond better if it were in bold colors. Now, me, I tend to think a bit differently. I want my kids to spend time creating a world of their own around them. I want them to take a black and white picture of a bunny rabbit and color it pink or blue or rainbow. After all, very, very quickly here in Jordan they will be faced with only one right answer. There will be only one correct color. Why would I want to start priming them for that at age 4. Can't I give them even 2 years of creativity?

As I've been considering this (because I like to validate my views internally, think them through and argue with myself), I noticed that one of our favorite books holds a cue and a surprise. For her birthday last year, ButterBean got the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you haven't read his work, you should. This book and Where The Sidewalk Ends are perhaps his best known books. I actually love the title of the second one super-much.

**Warning tangent ahead**
Imagine with me, if you will, what wondrous things await us where the sidewalk ends. In Jordan, so few people use sidewalks that I'm not sure the allure translates. In the US, particularly in the suburbs, there are miles and miles of sidewalks. Every street is properly lined with a sidewalk. And yet, some of the most exciting adventures happen in places where there are empty lots and no sidewalks.
**End tangent**

While reading The Giving Tree last night at JujuBean's request I realized that in this book of 52 pages of lovely illustrations, engaging characters, and potent words, there is not a single color. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the book is totally done in black and white. In fact, the entire book is made up of only 2 characters as well. Through his ingenious use of minimalism, Silverstein tells a compelling story rife with life-lessons that every child should hear. And, it's all in black in white. It allows you to focus on the words and, at the same time, to imagine the tree in any color from the rainbow, to see its apples as your favorite - red, green, yellow or blue. The more I think about it and the more I see, the more I think that black and white is definitely the right choice. After all, how will we be able to dream up new ideas if our entire lives are filled with the expectation of what is right rather than what is possible?

Happy possibilities!

It's Been 10 Days?! Mommy and Daughter Salon Day

2010-03-22T04:38:00.000-07:00

Where has the time gone? I mean, really. Ten days!!! Ah well, hi everyone who has yet to give up on me. Today I was planning to blog on my recent trip to the salon with the girl Beans. For a couple of months, we've been talking about the girl Beans needing trims. ButterBean has been sporting Rapunzel hair which, while lovely, had begun to frazzle about the ends. JujuBean's corkscrew curls had grown so long that they were becoming mere waves, making me sad. So, I had TetaBean set an appointment for all three of us to hit the salon together. Yep, a first ever Mommy/Daughter salon day.

Now, for any advice needed on appropriate hair personnel, I turn to Kinzi. The first gal she gave me was very good. She could take a picture and do a very nice job replicating it. Unfortunately, she moved out to Timbuktu (Jubeiha) and insisted that clients come to her. I just don't know Jubeiha well enough to manage such a feat. So, the gals who had been using her found a new fellow. And, he is just that cut above. Kinzi may have posted about him (in fact I'm certain she did). His name is Tal'aat and he is a hair genius. Yeah I know, melodramatic and all, but still...

The first time I went to him, I asked him for a hair cut that I didn't have to do anything with. Mind you, I don't mean the get-up-shower-and-blow-dry-seshwar thing. I mean nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I need an effort-free haircut. I've needed one for years (8 to be exact). And so I told him this. For three days after the haircut, I was terribly unsatisfied. I got out of the shower and grabbed a brush and dried it a tad and it ended up looking all at odds with itself. But the fourth day... ah the fourth day. Since I wasn't going anywhere, I had my bath, towel dried my hair and then did nothing. I didn't comb it, didn't dry it, nothing. And, it looked great. Yep, that's right. As long as I finger parted my hair and let it dry, it looked excellent. All the pieces went where they should. It was a thing to behold. And it was truly effort-free. So, I'm not actually being melodramatic when I say this man is a genius.

So the other day, I took the girl Beans and off we went to Tal'aat. ButterBean wanted a trim (we took off like 4 inches and no one can tell she had the back cut) and bangs (fringe for you Brits out there). JujuBean wanted whatever I did, so I had him take off like 5-6 inches and her hair is curling nicely. We also gave her bangs to help soften the hair-pulled-back looks that she usually sports. And I got my hair cut again. This time, though, I know better. I don't blow dry or even brush my hair these days - at least not until after it's fully dry. And, I couldn't be happier. So, for any of you looking for fine place with a hair genius, give Tal'aat a try. His salon is at the corner of Mecca Street and Mujama Jaber (near Donuts Factory). The number is 582-8907. Oh, and he's a normal local price rather than a super-fancy Abdoun price, teehee. Give him a try. He's got the MommaBean seal of approval!

Happy locks!

Blog About Jordan Day: The Jordan of My Heart

2010-03-12T06:55:00.000-08:00

The Jordan of My Heart is beautiful and surprising... It is the home of:

Changeable weather that is summer today and winter tomorrow
Traffic that is never ceasing and never predictable
Opportunities to befriend the rich and the poor alike and enjoy both equally
An intoxicating blend of home-comforts and exotic strangeness
A country that takes in those without other places to go... that opens its arms and its heart - often at detriment to itself
An open closedness (or is that a closed openness) with outsiders and strangers
Chances to raise my children firmly in both my own and my adopted cultures
People adept at making it, finding ways to survive and thrive in often hostile environments

That is the Jordan of My Heart, what's the Jordan of yours?

Happy Hearts!

A Thought or Two on Cyber Censorship

2010-03-12T06:42:00.000-08:00

In honor of World Day Against Cyber Censorship, I just wanted to say a few words. Moving from the United States to Jordan has been an enlightening experience in many ways. One of those ways is that I have come to understand on more visceral level what censorship is about - particularly self-censorship. This is one of the most insidious forms of censorship. And let me tell you why...

Self-censorship is the process where, even without outside forces, we decide not to blog about certain topics. We fail to talk about societal issues or personal ones. We pick and choose what to say in the same way that, when confronted with a wide stream, we select specific rocks to hop across. We avoid the mossy ones because they my be slippery, even if hey are closer. We avoid the submerged ones because our feet will get wet and a minutes discomfort isn't worth safely crossing a wide divide. This isn't about who tells us not to say something, but rather about what we tell ourselves not to say.

Mind you, I understand self-censorship very well. With three small children and a variety of other concerns, I pick my topics carefully. And, I feel less of a citizen by doing so. I know that some of my words, although painful to hear, could help improve the lives of many. But I remain quiet. I pick and choose carefully, not for the sake of others, but to ensure my rocks aren't too moss or too wet. And, so, I encourage all countries in the world to find ways to change themselves and their societies to ensue that censorship doesn't become so ingrained due to fear of police reprisal or societal shunning. It is by inviting all citizens to participate fully that society will be able to integrate, learn from, and benefit from those who don't fit the boxes and labels, but will continue to urge society to become ever better.

Happy self-confidence!

A Sweet Return to Blogging

2010-03-08T13:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've been silent for quite awhile now... It's pitiful, because it's not that I've been busy, more too lazy to come up with anything pithy or interesting to say. So, I figured this is a sweet way to return - with birthday cakes. In a hat tip to my annual cake making, here are this year's offerings. I have one more to make, but maybe it'll get its own post ;).

The Day Of Cake: This cake needed to be appropriate for a boy and a girl, so I went with an automotive theme, but added girl Polly Pockets to make it more girl-friendly.

For the birthday party (done in tandem for all 3 this year), Butterbean asked for Lola, so here she is...

Junior Bean thought pirate themed cake would be fun (and allow him to wear one of his costumes), so here's what he got (a 3D pirate map of sorts)...

And last, but not least, JujuBean wanted a similar cake to Butterbean's Dora cake last year. I managed to shore up some of the things that didn't work as well (like the bridge) and make the lake into more of a river... And, of course, because I can never find the same supplies two years in a row, I had to find new substitutions and items to use for the trees and animals...

I hope these fun little offerings have inspired you to new cake heights and welcome how-to questions for an adventurous souls who want to give them a try ;).

Happy Sweets!

The Gift That Keeps On Giving...

2010-02-26T06:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that in Jordan, you "give" someone a missed call. It's one of things that the first time I heard it struck me a really strange. Now, I even use it myself. But think about it, we say it as if we're giving someone the most precious gift. Okay, I'm giving you a missed call. When you try and express the thought properly in English (for those not from here), it's convoluted and almost painful. You know, listen, I'm going to call you but don't answer and then you can save my number. How inelegant is that?

El3atal and I were discussing the practice that has led to the terminology and he explained it spot-on. In the US, you're charged from the second that you hit the call button, not when the other party answers. As a result, no one would call your number so that you'd have their cell phone number. They're using time to do that. With some cell carriers, they're using a full minute no matter how long the call actually takes... And so, giving someone a missed call isn't something an American would say, because it's not something they'd do...

Funny how language follows usage (kind of like the "form follows function" adage from architecture and design). So, really, I guess that the missed call IS a gift that keeps on giving...

Happy Missed Opportunities!

An Unfortunate Experience Highlights a Root Cause of Jordan's Customer Service Problem

2010-02-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

So, back in November, El 3atal gave himself an early Christmas present. He bought a new cell phone. For a little background, you may recall my post on cell phones and the fact that in the US, I kept the same cell phone for 5 years. I'm the bain of the cell phone companies' existence since I rarely buy new hardware. Mid-last year, I did buy a new cell phone to replace the awesome Motorola I had purchased when we first moved here. The Motorola is still a great phone, but somehow I managed to get something caught under the 0 key. And, you can't do much without a 0 key in Jordan. Then the little button in the center popped off and I decided it was time to feed my wish for a pink phone. I know by now you're wondering what this has to do with El 3atal's phone aren't you? Bear with me. So, I bought a Samsung to replace my Motorola and so far have been very happy with it.

But, El 3atal has always been a bit of a snob about his phones and buys Nokia. So, his latest phone was the newly released, fancy slides-open-from-the-side, cool phone. And he paid a pretty penny. So, about 3 weeks after getting his new phone, the flash on the camera started glowing red for no known reason. El 3atal took it into Golden Mobile since they are the only ones who are authorized to fix Nokias here. Unfortunately, this has proven to be quite an ordeal.

El 3atal dropped off his phone a few days before Christmas and was told it should be ready in a week. At the end of that week, he called and they said they were missing a part and waiting on it to arrive, it should just be one more week. This went on... and on... and on. Finally, a little over a week ago, when Golden Mobile has actually had his new phone LONGER than he had and were still "waiting on a part and his phone was with level 3" we went in to pay them a visit. Several times over the seven weeks of waiting, he had spoken to the "manager" of customer service. The answers and service he received from this chap were lackluster at best.

When we got to the office, the chap at the Complaines desk (yes, I suppose that must be complaints) tried to foist us off with a "the phone is waiting on a part and it'll be ready in two more days." As you can imagine, we weren't buying it. After seven weeks of one more week and a couple of days, I simply was unable to believe any promise date they provided. We asked to see the manager. The manager came out and he and El 3atal began to discuss the situation. now, of course the manager remembered El 3atal after his many conversations and tried to explain to him that it isn't their fault. They're waiting on the part and, yadda yadda yadda. El 3atal explained to him that he understood all that, but it simply was insufficient to tell a customer that you don't have the part after 7 WEEKS!

Finally, I felt I had to get involved in the conversation. I explained to the young fellow that Golden Mobile's poor customer service has led to El 3atal - a loyal Nokia customer - stating this phone was his last Nokia purchase. And, the reply highlights the root issue. The manager said to me, but this isn't a customer service issue, it's a parts issue. AHHHH, so NOW I get it. This fellow and, one would presume, his management chain, have been led to believe that customer service consists solely of being nice to the person when you tell them they need to keep waiting indefinitely and you can't help them. I assure you THAT is a problem.

I worked in telephone customer service during the summer and during my last year of college. If I was simply a nice voice to tell them, I understand you didn't want that book but so what, I'd have been fired. Customer service is about HELPING the customer - not telling them why you can't help them. If I wanted the customer excuses department, I'm sure they'd be easy to find. But I wanted customer service. So, we need to change two fundamental things. First, customer service representatives need to understand that their role is as a solution maker. They need to be finding ways to make the customer happy. If their cell phone problem relates to a part not being available, offer them an identical loaner. Or, better yet, after week 3 replace their phone.

When I asked for the manager of customer service to make an identical loaner available for El 3atal while he waited on his repair, he actually told me, well, we don't have any of his model in stock as loaners. Well, I really don't care about your internal stocking as the customer, now do I? I explained that he needs to go get one off the shelf then, if they can't simply replace the thing. After it became clear that El 3atal and I were literally not budging until this issue was resolved to our satisfaction, they went up the management chain (which we'd be trying to do for weeks, literally). Turns out they finally decided they could find a replacement phone and would have it on-site the next day along with the parts from El 3atal's old phone that he needed. They did manage to follow through on that and El 3atal has a different phone.

So, the fundamental issues I saw that need to be dealt with are:

Even the customer service MANAGER doesn't understand that customer service means making the customer happy, not foisting them off and telling them to wait
Customer Service representatives are not empowered to take any steps to actually resolve the customer's problem. They are expected to continue in a holding pattern making excuses to the customer.

Customer Service man himself, Khaled, talked in his blog post on why Jordan sucks at Customer Service about how to improve your customer service. While our experience violated most of the points, the most egregious were:

3-Don’t promise unless you WILL deliver:Reliability is one of the keys to any
good relationship, and good customer service is no exception. Think before you
give any promise, because nothing annoys customers more than a broken one. Give
yourself an extra time to allow for surprises.
6-Empower your staff to be (helpful, courteous, and knowledgeable):I think
that is one of the major issues here in Jordan, we need educated our front
office staff and provide them with the right tools to make a decision to solve
issues with our customers, or even empower them to cross sell our products &
services. Talk to them about good customer service and what it is (and
isn’t) regularly. Most importantly, give every member of your staff enough
information and power to make those small customer-pleasing decisions.
7-Take that extra step:Make it easier for your customer. Don’t just answer
their question, offer any extra information and suggest better options. We
are not robots, customer sometimes come for the interaction and the atmosphere.
If a customer asked: “where is a good place to eat around here?” engage in a
conversation, ask him what type of food is he looking for, offer options and
propose your favorite.
8-Always throw in something on the House:Make them feel they had a “winner”
experience. A happy customer is as happy as the experience is, no matter how
much money he paid.

So, Khaled and I definitely agree. Customer service in Jordan is sub-par and, by implementing his recommendations, establishments would improve. I hope that those people out there in customer service begin to really get what service is. I know customer-facing organizations in Jordan spend money on customer service training but I begin to wonder is that money well spent? Maybe they need to start asking questions about what that training is really teaching their employees and whether actions are improving. If not, maybe it's time to rethink your development model...

Happy Service Issues!

Is there anyone, other than drivers of dignitaries, who doesn't realize that 1:30-2:30 is a terrible time to move people around town safely?

2010-02-09T09:06:00.001-08:00

For two days running, I have had the... let me think of the word... pleasure? joy? annoyance... yeah that's the one annoyance of being on Zahran Street at the same time as some dignitary of note. I don't know who it is, some fairly ordinary-looking guy in a car with government plates with the lowest possible number. He's accompanied by two American sedans with tinted windows. I'm betting on the Primate Minister, but... what would I know? Now mind you, we're talking at the peak traffic time for school pick up and bus routes. Anyone who's driven the streets of Amman knows that any day between 1:30 and 2:30 (or 3 maybe) traffic is a disaster all around town. This is particularly true of Zahran Street.

Now, these fine fellows don't try and push traffic behind them like the uber-annoying black Suburbans, instead they come up from behind and try to edge you out of your lane. Mind you, this on a street with a high-curbed median and constant traffic. There is no shoulder, there is nowhere to slow or stop. There are only cars, cars, and more cars. So, what I want to understand is, who is the member of intelligentsia that, upon seeing the mess that is school pick-up traffic on one day decided let's jump out in it and risk life and limb of ordinary Jordanians again tomorrow? If your guy is that important, reschedule so you get in and out before this traffic. Otherwise, admit it, the cars with him running folks off the road are probably overkill. To be totally honest, if the fellow hadn't had the run-off-the-road cars and was simply being driven in a big Merc, I wouldn't even have noticed. Those are a dime a dozen. I have a feeling there is something to be said for public figures who find a way to blend in, rather than stand out and inconvenience the populace. But, that's just me... Maybe others find the experience exhilarating.

If I could offer a word of advice, for those who really, truly are worried about attempts on their life, don't go out in Amman from 1:30-2:30. Stay home or at the office or wherever. Because, as a resident of these crazy, wild, exciting streets I can assure you, there is no controlling them. They are like an act of nature (think hurricane, tornado, tsunami). And, anyone who plans to control the streets for a dignitary might as well just close them down, because otherwise I'm afraid it's a lost cause, teehee. As for me, I just hope that Mr. Important is done gumming up traffic on my route so that today's afternoon commute goes more smoothly.

And, as a good example of what TO do, on my way home this morning after dropping off the Beans, I saw a Suburban brigade taking someone mportant somewhere. They had waited until almost 9 when the streets are as empty as they get during the day. There was no need to run folks off the road as there just weren't that many folks. Maybe a little less aggresion and more planning is the ticket?

Happy finger-crossing!

You Mean You DON'T Have a Snowman on Your Car?

2010-02-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

So, we were on our way home the other day and passed a restaurant when what to our wondering eyes did appear? Yes, a snowman. On top of a car. How 2010...

Sadly, my phone refused to take a picture of it (I think it was too cold, like me.) But, happily CousinBean was along and managed to get this picture. Excuse the tilt, but beggars can't be choosers...

When we saw this, two things came to mind. First, where do you live that yo hot enough snow for that big of a snowman. Second, how clever to take your snowman with you wherever you go...

Personally, I think a snowman is the car decoration for 2010. I'm only wishing I had one. I hope you enjoy the picture as well.

Happy hood ornaments!

Is that a Dummy in the car, or are you the Idiot?

2010-02-05T02:20:00.000-08:00

This headline caught my eye this morning for one simple reason... I SO though about doing this before. Back when we lived in big city America and I commuted an hour each way every day, I watched the folks zooming past in the HOV (high-occupancy vehicle, aka carpool) lanes, and thought about getting an HOV dummy. There were a couple of things that held me back. First, we didn't have the money for one. Second (and more important), it was hard enough dressing myself, no way I'd manage to get 2 of us dressed and out the door early in the morning, teehee.

I also thoughts about the type of explanation that would be required if a police officer did pull me over and decided I'm not that good at pulling a fast one. Smooth-talker I am not. So, I never implemented this HOV plan. Now I see that someone else did and got ticketed for her trouble. Well, I guess the question in the case is - who is the bigger dummy?

Happy Plastic Pals!

Maybe Late But An Overachiever At Heart? Couldn't Stop At 50...

2010-02-01T13:18:00.001-08:00

So, since my 50 things post only took me through the first two yeas of my blog, I had to ensure that as my love affair with Jordan changes, those changes are represented. So, I figured in for a penny in for a pound, and here's the pound.

Outrageously affordable emergency room visits (and yes, I wish I didn't know this one)
Opportunities for creativity (see my post on using cookie sheets as sleds)
Pea soup fog reminding me to give thanks for sunny clear days
Snow mermaids, where else could you make them and not have them be the most unusual thing on the block?
A vibrant blogosphere that speaks out in support of regionally persecuted bloggers (Fouad and his 138 days in prison definitely spoke to us)
Legos are still available
Bumping into bloggers everywhere: Professional association meetings, ICT forum, wedding receptions, everywhere
Dates are written backwards making you feel you've never missed anything
Convoluted sentences published in magazines (aka anyone can be a writer)
Being welcomed into the Queen Latifah International Airport
Crazy high-quality paper for magazines
Pictures for weddings and events are ready in 2 days
Homesickness transitions into missing the US because Jordan really IS home
Old men in dishdashas (you know the long dress things) with sport coats
Endless staircases providing a constant sense that Amman has somewhere to be
Jordanian hospitality
Arableesee and the fact that students of Arabic can understand chunks of conversation
Making cakes, something I NEVER would have done in the US, it would have remained an undiscovered talent
Double-bookings pre-school style (or maybe that the kids have enough friends to BE double-booked)
You have to guess what open 24 hour means because it doesn't mean 24 hours
CEOs of large companies comment on your blog (I've had the CEO of Pharmacy One and the CEO of Aramex)
Even RAISINS dry out!
You go to work and your street number is 21, when you come home, it's 19
The only building on a block-long street is number 3
Kindergarten graduation involves tiny caps and gowns
T-Ball, enough said
Visceral connection to Palestine and Palestinians
Women of niqab, hijab, and hair commingle happily
The pure foreignness and beauty of the call to prayer
HelperBean (who should be the first item on any Top 50 list)
Interactive whiteboards and teachers with mikes in first grade
Bilingual and even trilingual education starting at 4 years old
You can actually find signs for a 0% sale
Nermeen Murad's refreshing, bold ability to say it like it is
Sisters in Amman: communities and finding a place where you fit - no matter how unlikely a place it is
Livestock in the streets (sheep crossing anyone?)
Christmas cookie decorating parties with people who don't celebrate Christmas
The anticipation people feel toward that first rain of the year (and nearly every rain actually)
Strong sense of personal safety
Taxis could actually get the passenger to help push the car out of a circle when it runs out of gas - and pay for the privilege
The ability to take a short vacation (long weekend really) trip to glamorous destinations like Dubai and the Dead Sea
Smaller kids making the Beans average rather than tiny
The fact that people won't use crossing bridges over airport road, but I have actually seen a herd of sheep using it!
The entire Konouz family
Fluency in Arabic is actually attainable for the Beans
Being 15 minutes late isn't rude... it's early
Speaking in Arabic makes people assume you're anything but American (I've had French and German in the last 2 weeks or so), although what does that say about us Americans?
The sights and sounds of the balad
Young bloggers who challenge, inspire, and generally get people thinking
Jordanian pride of home leading to Top 50 parties and tweetups

I had to fudge a tad on the last 6, but they're the things I would have written without checking my blog, so I think they count. You know, it's posts like these that remind me of why I really do love living here so much. I hope you'll join in this celebration of Jordan with me...

Happy Overachieving!

Bowing to Peer Pressure, A Real Top 50 Things I Love About Jordan Post

2010-01-31T12:23:00.000-08:00

Since I've been challenged and shamed about my lack of Top 50 things, I decided to go whole hog. I went back over the first two years the Bean family spent in Jordan and found things I'd blogged about enjoying in Jordan. Please join me for MommaBean's top 50 of 2006 and 2007!

Endless circling: ala Chevy Chase in European Vacation, once you get in you can't get out
Misspellings on menus (to date my favorite is Pier with cohool, which edged out trible blend of cheeses by a nose)
Baka'a refugee camp: the tenacity, love of home, and spirit of the people in their defiant refusal to call another place home
The government' signage calling circles squares, geometry refresher anyone?
The Bean's fun wheeeeing through tunnels (the first few months)
Interpretive driving
Fabulous hair cuts for tiny fees
The Dead Sea, enough said
Zoos that feature house pets, you know dogs and cats
Fabulous breezes, really truly noteworthy breezes
Creative parking
The competitive advantage of the huge handed guy at Osra Hummus
Fabulous furniture built for next to nothing
Anything can be delivered
The Jaaha (askage) before the wedding (especially the bag pipes and the debkeh troupes)
Creative grocery store placement (call it hide and seek with food)
Excellent schooling in Arabic for all ages
Garbage men, the hardest working fellows in Amman
Cheap vegetables (once upon a time at least)
Middle of the road driving (or fear of commitment)
Signage embarrassment (Libby's Ass Juice anyone? Pub and Grill?)
Holiday Greetings by SMSs
Amman's new curved concrete suspension bridge
Petra: a New Wonder of the World
The Beep-Beep Culture
Gratuitous Circles
Creative Spelling (butiey shop anyone? a trip to the saloon for your hair, perhaps?)
Pet Monkeys being taken for a walk
1 JD DVDs, need I say more?
People who floss during New Year's Eve concerts at a 5 star hotel
Creative car towing, no rope needed, just gimme some twine
Baby cologne for stinky babies
Slim Fast on the candy aisle, give up already...
Casual royalty (or how I've met 4 royals already)
Creative contraptions (cinder block as emergency brake, rag as gas cap)
A single blog can change the world (or at least silly sign, Shawarma and More?)
Amman is a small, small world (aka how I can never go anywhere and not see SOMEONE I know)
Sweet sound of birds singing outside my window
Queen Rania: Beauty Queen and brains too, what a package!
Mosque Tops for sale in the balad
Golden Skies
Assempling Points
A World-Class Children's Museum
Sense of Humor replaces wasta in exchanging the driver's license
Heart shaped potatoes
Strikingly funny mistakes in classified ads (from reputed oil companies to the mirror required reversed image)
New sheep carriers - trunk and backseat of a vintage 1980s Datsun
Time for art projects with the Beans
The rarity of rainbows in Jordan and how special they become
Concrete bound fire hydrants

If you are stumped by any meanings, check out the original posts... April 2006 to December 2007 ;).

Happy Jordan Love!

Why is it SO hard to practice Arabic?!

2010-01-31T02:50:00.000-08:00

So, El 3atal's cousin (bint 3ammo) has come to town from Sweden for a semester at the University. As a result, of this trip (and her total lack of Arabic skills (3ammoBean, you should be ashamed!)), I have been having the most excellent opportunity to practice my Arabic. Really, it's been great. She is living with another student from Sweden, whose Arabic is slightly better, but classical. So, between the three of us, my skills are by far the best (isn't that sad? Reflections of translating during the shoe distribution campaign).

As a result, all conversations with the landlady and the Egyptian guard are rather left to me. Which, while I'm sure is painful for the other party is great practice. Add to that the fact that we visited one of ButterBean's best friends (whose brother is one of JuniorBean's best friends) and I got like 3 hours of intensive speaking with their Mom. She understands English, but is too shy to speak it (sounds like me in reverse).

So, the last week and a half have been good, but before that no so much. It seems like the conversations can realistically have are limited to the kinds of things you talk to acquaintances or strangers about. It's nearly impossible to talk to Teta and JiddoBean because I simply don't have an adequate enough vocabulary. Although, I guess it then becomes something of a West Ammani conversation (nus Arabi, nus Englizi). But, it would be nice if there were some in between in my life... Ahh, well, here's me continuing to scope out opportunities to practice (and wishing my accent were wore so that people wouldn't speak so darn fast!!!). Oh, and I failed to mention the other huge challenge. It's contained in one word - blond. Not, mind you as a state of mind, but as a physical reality. People simply naturally speak English to me because I'm so obviously American. Even if I start the conversation in Arabic, they often respond in Arabic, sigh. At any rate...

Happy Practice!

Do you KNOW your name???

2010-01-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

Once again I'm counting on my 3 readers to give the low-down. Twice in the last few days I've met Egyptian guards who, when asked their name, reply X, enshalla. What is that exactly? Are they unsure if their name is actually X? Or, are they concerned that since the last time they gave their name God would have decided to change it? I'm confused by this use of enshalla. Anyone got any idea why they respond this way? It struck me as decidedly odd...

Happy Hunh?!

Excuse Me, Mr. Rifai, But I Think You Need To Expand the Dialog

2010-01-26T12:44:00.001-08:00

First, excuse any perceived sarcasm read into this message, I assure you it is likely there (It IS my stock in trade, after all). I was SO relieved to read today in the Jordan Times that the Prime Minister met with "the head and memebers of the JPA" about the issue that has so recently electrified the blogosphere, yep censorship. Mr. Rifai reiterated the King's commitent to "improving and developing the entire media sector..." But, somehow it seems to be that the nuances of the issue have totally been lost.

Somehow the government has not figured out that a significant amount of the issue is NOT relating to the established press, those who would appropriately be members of the JPA). It is, instead, related to others who could, under loose and unclear laws, be considered to be electronic media. Like this blog. So, somehow I failed to get my invitation to this meeting. How it could have happened, I'm unsure. Surely not because I'm not a recognized member of the press. Or because the only claim to journalism I have is a blog that occasionally tackles topics relating to society and life in Jordan (like this one).

What's that? You think I'm not a member of the media? Excellent! Could someone please put that down in the Press and Publications Law? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top? Currently, depending on your reading of the laws and the Court's recent ruling I may be subject to the dictates and rules therein. But, I have no voice in the conversation, the dialog that the Prime Minister indicates atmospheric conditions are favorable for. So, if there's a dialog, could I be invited? After all, if those in these positions of power would listen a little more closely they might realize that the whole issue is that the hazy laws bring people into the conversation who simply don't belong. So, I ask you Mr. Prime Minister, don't you think now is the time to expand the dialog? As an unrepresented stakeholder, I'd like a voice. I suspect there are a few others who would as well. So when is that appointment? Just asking...

Happy Expansion!

Countercultural Again?! My Top 50 JO things...

2010-01-26T12:08:00.000-08:00

Somehow I missed the whole Top50 thing (well I saw the tweety thing, but not being up on technology...). So, I'm running with it and remaining counter-cultural. However, I will not take Qwaider's approach and talk about 50 things I don't like. Here's what I'm going to do... instead of top 50, I'm... well why should I ruin the surprise? You'll read it soon enough.

First I want to say that I've lived in a bunch of places. El 3atal and I lived in like 6 cities in the South, Northeast, Midwest, and Southeast and here's something I've learned in my moves... every city has awesome things about it and every city has things that suck. Really, every one. We've been in Jordan nearly 4 years and I've had lots to time to observe things. I have so many favorites things, but they seem to be less tangible than most of what I've seen. So, in my bid to be counter-cultural (more because I'm unaware than anything else, teehee), I'm giving you the MommaBean 3 (one for each Bean)!

For ButterBean: Sunny, sunny skies and beautiful (if dry) weather
For JuniorBean: Fabulous history and architecture that connects the past with the present and future
For JujuBean: Opportunities to be part of a vibrant, beautiful community and help those less fortunate

Hope you enjoy my slimmed down version of the Top 50...

Happy Countercultures!

Cyber-Schizophrenia: I've got it... Me too!

2010-01-25T03:07:00.000-08:00

Just when you think you're creating a new term like cyber-schizophrenia, others are there before you. It's comforting, though, that you aren't the only one suffering from a disease like this one. For those who are confused about what this means, it's a condition where managing your multiple personalities on-line becomes more than you can handle. I talk about it tongue in cheek, but it can be a challenge. Clearly, this blog is anonymous. My on-line friends know me as MommaBean. And, MommaBean is on Facebook. She has a page and friends and groups and such. And then there's me. You know, the real life me. No, I'm not going to put my IRL name here. But, I do have a Facebook account. And I have friends, and groups, and relatives.

It's a bit odd to meet people who are likely to mix in both groups. Do I accept them as MommaBean's friends or Real Me's friends? Where do they fit? In a recent conversation, I mentioned to the guy who did a website for us a few months ago that I am familiar with his boss, but only from his blog and its name. I mentioned my blog name and he was floored. Apparently he occasionally drops by this blog. How weird is that? I even have friends who I originally met blogging and they became IRL friends. Sadly, MommaBean had to unfriend them. After all, MommaBean and Real Me can't be friends with the same people. My philosophy is along the lines of "never the twain shall meet."

It's actually a bit odd, in general, to be an anonymous blogger. I don't blog anonymously to give me more freedom to say what I think and people won't know it's me. All of the family and friends know about my blog. I talk about socially taboo subjects anyway. After all, I'd talk about the topics in front of them IRL as well, so why not on-line? I blog anonymously because I think it's safer for the family. In the US, I would blog anonymously because of the crazy perverts out there. In Jordan, I figure it's simply safer as an American to keep a low IRL profile. I expect anyone who needs to in the powers that be could find me easily enough. But, for those garden variety America-haters, I hope it's a bit more challenging.

But keeping my lives separate is hard. Maybe it would be easier if MommaBean weren't really me, you know? If I talked about specific subjects or if there were some other distinction between me and me, you know. I blog for our company and it's separate from this blog. In that one, I talk about specific topics that simply don't come up over here. So, it's easier (except when I forget to sign out) to keep that life separate.

At any rate, I've been thinking about managing these dual-lives for awhile now and figured it was a good time to think about the topic out loud here. After all, are you my friend? And if so, what kind of friend? You have to choose sides after all, do you want to be friends with MommaBean or Real Me? Or maybe you'll join the ranks of cyber-schizos and create another you to be friends with the other me. Wait, I think I just confused myself... Sigh.

Happy Me... No Me!