Thy Will Not Mine, Lord

So, I never send on the messages that I get from various people in e-mail. no matter how nice or inspirational they may be, I just don't send them on. It's just not who I am for a variety of reasons. First, I hate to clutter others' in boxes when everyone I know is just so busy. But, really more importantly, I get the sense that lots of people I know think that simply forwarding these e-mails is building and continuing a relationship. But, for me, just getting a forwarded message isn't nearly as meaningful as hearing about YOU, how you're doing and such. So, I don't send them on. That said, yesterday MemeBean sent me one that was rather special to me. She doesn't send many and the ones she does are usually really awesome. But this one was extraordinarily moving to me.

First, let me set the stage by explaining why this particular one merits inclusion on my blog. Those of you who know me have likely asked me at one point or another how long we're planning to live in Jordan. You likely got one of two answers (yes I really have only 2 answers to this question):

1. Until God tells us it's time to move
2. We don't make plans any more, God takes care of that for us

Now, I know that this is a foreign concept to many people. You can imagine the looks and follow up questions I often get. Even for Christians in America, this seems like an oddity. But the truth of my own life has been that when I make plans, they are rarely the best thing for me. If I get my want, I come to that realization. If I submit to God's plan, it is always better. So, let me give you an example...

El 3atal and I got married young (he was only 23). We planned to have little Beans right away so we'd still be young to enjoy them. So, we made our plans and worked hard on the process. And had no success. None. For five years. Five LONG years. We saw some specialists, but moved around quite bit and didn't remain consistent. At one point, I had basically given up after a visit with a Doctor who was saying my only choice was surgery and such. I was at quite the low point. Then, a friend from church noticed I was really low. She asked about it and we talked. She raved about a new specialist that the local women's hospital had lured away from the big city. We went to see him. In one month (yes I just said one month) with the most minimally invasive procedure, we conceived ButterBean. So much for my plans. And, having it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. The time wasn't right. We needed time to become a couple before adding kids into the mix.

So, when we first began considering coming to Jordan, I prayed about it. Alot. I asked God to clear the way and send signs to ease my concerns. I turned it over and awaited the outcome. After many years of El 3atal sort of wanting to come back and the right opportunity being elusive, this time one just worked. The house sold easily. Everything was clearly right. And, so far I have absolutely no regrets about it. It's been the right thing for the family.

So, when people ask me how long we're here for, I give them the only answer I have. We're here until God tells us something different. And I know how foreign that concept can be. But this is why the story MemeBean meant so much to me... And with no further ado, here's the story. I'd love to give appropriate credit, but as with most of these e-mails, no name came with it. I have no idea if the story is true, but am certain that it COULD be true. I hope you might find meaning in it as well.

A young man had been to Wednesday Night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice The young man couldn't help but wonder, 'Does God still speak to people?'

After service, he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways. It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, 'God...If you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey.' As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, 'God is that you?' He didn't get a reply and started on toward home. But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk. The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli. 'Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk.' It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home.

As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, 'Turn Down that street.' This is crazy he thought, and drove on past the intersection. Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street . At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, 'Okay, God, I will.' He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi- commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed. Again, he sensed something, 'Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street.' The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. 'Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid.' Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk. Finally, he opened the door, 'Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient. I guess that will count for something, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here.'

He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, 'Who is it? What do you want?' Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. 'What is it?' The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, 'Here, I brought this to you.' The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway. Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying, 'We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk.'

His wife in the kitchen yelled out, 'I ask him to send an Angel with some. Are you an Angel?' The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face. He knew that God still answers prayers.

This young man learned what I have as well. God does still speak to us. Everyday, if we listen. In the quiet times and places when we silence our inner voices and distractions, God leads us, guides us, and directs us. When we want Him to and not. When we ask Him to and not. When it's easy and not. In His greatness and mercy he shows us his plan for us. All we have to do is listen with our ears and our hearts. What could be easier than that?

Happy Divine Inspiration!