Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Moments That Crystalize...

I was watching TV tonight and saw a scene that triggered such a forceful memory, I had to put my thoughts down. When ButterBean was a year and half old, I got pregnant with the twins. Like many second time Moms, I found myself a bit distracted and ambivalent about the coming babies. I had no time to spend doing all of those first time Mom things like playing music and reading to the bump. As a result, I thought I had very little emotional attachment to these little beings. The inconvenience of the pregnancy and the tiredness and such really gave me so little time to enjoy the coming babies. And, so I went into the 8th month unsure of my feelings and still ambivalent about their coming. And then it happened...

During a trip out, I went to the ladies room and found a spot of blood. I immediately left the store and went straight to the Doctor's office. The store was maybe 5 minutes from his office, but the whole time, I was terrified that the babies wouldn't be okay. In the moment that I saw that spot, my love for these tiny people crystallized into a bold reality. It was as if the world had stopped, shifted slightly, and begun to spin on a slightly different axis. It seems that there are those moments that remain forever with you. A slight similarity, a sound, a smell brings them back to you as if they had happened only the day before. I give thanks today (our Thanksgiving celebration day) for these moments, the ones that remind us of what we have and help clarify our priorities and feelings. It seems to me today, life is made up of snapshots of everyday life interwoven with these moments of crystal clarity.

Happy moments!

7 Comments:

At 8:02 PM , Anonymous kinzi said...

This is a great story with a great truth. The cares of the world distract us from what is quietly valuable, and it isn't until being faced with loosing it that we wake up to it's true worth.

And they are too precious for words, those two!

 
At 12:42 AM , Blogger Summer said...

Very ture!!! in one small moment we realize our true feelings...i get a lot of these moments too! May you enjoy your kids for many many years to come...it is worth giving thanks for. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving day.

 
At 12:53 AM , Blogger MommaBean said...

Kinz, thanks, I think so too. Summer, our Thanksgiving was lovely. And, the beans each took their turn giving thanks for something. It was about as sweet as imaginable. Junior Bean (as always) gave thanks for the food. JujuBean gave thanks for family (also as always). ButterBean gave thanks for having some of her beloved family with her and the others far away. Too sweet.

 
At 1:24 AM , Blogger Rambling Hal said...

This post gave me goosebumps! :D In a good way of course ;)

God bless you and your family and your lovely children!

 
At 9:34 AM , Blogger MommaBean said...

Thanks Hal. Glad you got something from it and hope to meet you IRL soon!

 
At 5:31 PM , Blogger An. said...

A similar thing happened to me when I was pregnant with my now 4 year old son. His dad went back to Jordan when I was pregnant and was supposed to come back but didn't. I was afraid that I wouldn't bond with the baby because of my feelings towards him. I started bleeding one night 2 weeks before my due date (the only time I've ever bled with any of my pregnancies), and I started freaking out! I lived right by a hospital, but I was delivering at one about 10 minutes away by car. I wasn't sure whether to go to the emergency room at the one by me (which didn't have a very good delivery ward), or take a cab to the one I was supposed to deliver at. That's when I realized my feelings for the baby were separate from my feelings for him.

I am glad it was nothing serious! Mine wasn't either, thank goodness. He did come the next day, but he was healthy.

 
At 12:42 AM , Blogger MommaBean said...

Welcome An., and thanks for your story. It's funny how small things bring life into perspective.

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home